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What...

is...

this...?
https://i0.wp.com/media2.slashfilm.com/slashfilm/wp/wp-content/images/starwars-lastjedi-dreadnought2.jpg

Whoever thought of the design of this ship should have his John Holmes' film collection permanently removed from his shelves, and have a court order issued against him so that he can't get within 150 m. of public parks and school grounds.

The artist who was ballsy enough to follow through on the Holmes-inspiration: have you no shame?

You're willing to put THAT flat-as-a-fritter-with-an-aerofoil dong-ship on your resume? Really?

Every time that massive dong-cannon fires, all that the Resistance has to do to protect itself is swallow a birth control pill.

Does Snoke have to stroke his joystick before it blasts its load?

And the AT-AT inspired by the Planet of the Apes?
https://i0.wp.com/media2.slashfilm.com/slashfilm/wp/wp-content/images/starwars-lastjedi-atm6-fullview.jpg

I had concerns for the look of this thing from some packaging artwork that leaked (seriously, I am being purposeful with these witty puns!), but seeing it now like this...

And while I'm at it, the Resistance's bombers are absurd looking.

Everything we've seen so far, has either been chunky, blocky, cyborg-EROTIC (Roomba's are said to be head over heels in lust) , or a "clever" reversed paint scheme from the Original Trilogy.

Wow.

Just - wow...

I never thought that I'd ever say this, but...

George.

PLEASE come back.

PLEASE!

Better yet, jerk Filoni off of Rebels and put him in charge of all live efforts.

*snicker*

...jerk...off...



lol

OMG!

Poe's going to have to fly his X-Wing up inside that dong to take out its reactor-prostrate!

lol

Once you SEE it, it can NEVER be unseen!

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So...

Let's imagine that you've landed The Dream Job of working on designing ships and vehicles for Star Wars.

You work your fanny off, executing several new star destroyer designs that beautifully echo the aesthetic from the Original Trilogy.

You pin your heart-filled and genius drawings on the wall, and Rian Johnson comes in, quickly scanning all of the competing concepts. He stands in front of your brilliant designs and says, "I like it. I like it a lot."

You're like, "OMG! He loves my super detailed multi-tiered homage to the greatest capital ship design ever put to screen." And then he says, "I really like the SHAPE of it."

Expecting a much more robust stream of feedback, you nervously say, "The...'shape'...of it...?"

"Yes, yes... The SHAPE of it. The shape..."

"Take all of these tiers, all of the doodads and interesting nooks and crannies, and make it flat."

"Uh...'flat,' sir?"

"Yes, yes! Like this!" Rian snatches a large eraser, and starts scrubbing at all of the meticulous and exquisite hull details, leaving deep scuff and shredding marks across the surface of the sheet of premium paper. His left hand eventually starts rubbing his right wrist, "Ow... I think I strained my hand. Man, being a visionary is HARD work!"

You just stand there, completely shell-shocked, choking back sobs and tears. Several days' worth of mind-wracking labor, just completely obliterated.

He then snaps the felt tip marker out of your hand, "Kids all around the world are expecting a bold SIGNATURE look, aren't they? We've got to give it to them! Annnnnd... here... it... is!"

He draws a huge penis throbbing out from underneath the triangular ruin.

Aghast, you utter, "What...is...that...sir?"

"The Johnson!"

"The - what - sir?"

"The Johnson! It's a powerful cannon that squirts destructive energies across the screen. I named it after myself."

He carefully pulls the pushpins out of it, and hands the devastated drawing back to you. "Now, make it better."

Voice trembling, lower lip quivering, "Um, uh, how sir?"

"Well, it's obvious. Make it flatter. I mean F-L-A-T, FLAT. Give it a rectangular aerofoil that runs the entire width across its rear, and mount two mammoth weapons emplacements right underneath the aerofoil, so that their field of fire is nearly zero. Functionality don't matter. It'll look cool."

You nod your head slowly as you slump your way back to the designing table.

"Oh, and add one more thing that'll get the kids' mouths drooling..."

You don't look back.

"Give it..."

"...TWO dongs! Twice the dongs, twice the drool...!"

"Of course, Mr. Johnson... Of course..."

You wait till he strides out of the studio, drop your head atop of your once-masterpiece, and weep, "I'm going to be arrested for putting this perversion in front of children..."

It didnt bother me at all... until you said something

Got it, every cannon in history is a dong, by this argument. Why don't you take it up with Rian Johnson on twitter? He does answer his twitter quite often, even my own tweets a few times. As he has said. He chooses the designs. I will quote him. It's all on him if you love or hate anything in the movie, it was his choices. "Love it or hate it, it's all on me." Nobody posted the Sw.com article discussing the designs. http://www.starwars.com/news/inside-two ... -last-jedi

At least kyle can't complain that Star Wars has gone all Disneyfied.

I sure don't remember seeing any ships with dicks in The Black Hole.

Look it's two dongs! https://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/st ... 0310234537

Oh and some people have said what X-Wings are shaped like for like 40 years.

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I've thought long...and hard...on what I posted yesterday.

I've changed my mind.

The Dreadnought looks like a Dorito corn chip...

Made out of concrete...

With two dongs.

This series is SO derivative of the Original Trilogy in terms of its appearance, it's pathetic.

Most of its spacecraft are barely reskinned OT vehicles! Reversed color schemes with a RED STRIPE! Even the new Resistance bomber is 85% based on the Nebulon-B Frigate, and the remaining 15% looks like CRAP. Kylo's new fighter is a TIE Interceptor, with a blocky cockpit.

And the "innovations" that they've brought to updating the vehicles' appearance are pathetic. I dare anyone to compare the new dreadnought to this https://www.google.com/search?biw=1280&bih=590&tbm=isch&sa=1&q=bellator+star+destroyer&oq=bellator+star+destroyer&gs_l=psy-ab.3..0j0i8i30k1.2405626.2410844.0.2411057.27.23.1.0.0.0.388.3812.0j1j14j1.16.0....0...1.1.64.psy-ab..10.17.3924...0i67k1.Vvmsm1fp1JE, and say that the Dorito Double Dong ship is even a quarter as good as this spacecraft made for FREE by a FAN who COMPLETELY "gets it." And this fan got it LONG BEFORE Disney got its mitts on the Star Wars franchise.

Seriously, just GLANCE at the Bellator; its magnificence and still-unique approach just TOWERS over ANYTHING that's come out of Disney so far. Even after desperately scrutinizing what Disney's produced, looking for some hint of genius in the Dorito Double Dong, the sad, easy to see fact is: it's not even close!

The Bellator's designer, Ansel Hsiao, does ALL of the right things with any of the projects he takes on. Over and over again, he takes a beloved aesthetic into new and exciting directions while deeply honoring the genius of what came before, and then (gasp!) applies FUNCTIONALITY to it, to help greatly deepen its sense of immersion as being "real." STUDY the placement of his weapons. Yes indeed, they all have SENSIBLE firing arcs. Gee, Disney, is it that hard to do? It must be, because the new dreadnought has 24 anti-fighter turrets all sitting on the SAME plane. That means if a low flying starcraft buzzes across its perfectly flat (and did I mention LIFELESS?) surface, those high-tech turrets will be placing their neighboring turrets in grave jeopardy. Hey, that's what "smart" design looks like these days! Hsiao's considers all of these tactical aspects, and makes his designs feel completely and effortlessly plausible.

Go look at Ansel Hsiao's entire website, and find some way to justify the lackluster aesthetic approach that Disney's taking with the franchise. This task SHOULD be EASY to do, after all, a fan boy's free labor certainly shouldn't be able to breezily eclipse the hard work of dozens of highly paid professionals, right? https://www.artstation.com/fractalsponge As can be instantly assessed, ANY one of his creations CRUSHES anything eeked out by Disney. His TIE Fighters are FLAWLESS. Even his commercial transports and freighters are more captivating than the Dorito Double Dong ship, and these are PEDESTRIAN vessels compared to a massive warship that should be AWE INSPIRING! This shouldn't even be possible, but the fact that it is, and so easy to do, really lays bare just how far things have fallen at Disney.

And Ansel's is just ONE fan out of a plethora who's work is available to see online. There are quite a few more out there that have work that's close to his Pure Genius league, and all of these custom, fan-generated designs, are better than anything crapped out by Disney. There's no excuse for this. NONE.

And sorry, there's ZERO excuse for the Dorito Double Dong ship to so readily suggest mammoth penises. A very well paid professional designer's JOB is to AVOID such associations. Do you want to know how easy it would've been to avoid the double-dongness of its appearance? Place the cannons on the SIDE of the ship. Wow! That was DIFFICULT to do, wasn't it? Or, now this is a revolutionary design move, how about placing the cannons on the TOP of the ship! OMG! That works too! Instantly doing one of these two approaches dramatically reduces/completely removes, the automatic gestalt association of seeing DICKS hanging from the bottom of a perfectly flat and lifeless corn chip made out of concrete, and simultaneously makes the gray Dorito look better. Yes, one can take a perfectly lifeleess gray Dorito and make it look better.

Just by moving the dongs.

I find it beyond belief that a professional artist came up with this design on his own. The sheer obviousness of its flat and lifeless lameness and penisness is just glaring. Only a Rian JOHNSON would push for something as inept as this.

So, I'm going to pay out $80 of my hard earned cash to pay for my family to watch double-penises PULSING away from the bottom of a dead gray Dorito. And then watch as Kylo's TIE Interceptor that's "not" a TIE Interceptor zip across a screen. And then watch Nebulon-B-cum-bombers swarmed by reversed-colors very old school TIE Fighters who are being pursued by very old school X-Wings and (literally vintage) A-Wings and...

Well, this is just beating a dead horse, isn't it?

George Lucas very rightfully made these observations himself when the film first came out, and I was too drunk with the idea of seeing my old family on the screen again to notice. I thought that he was being petty.

Clearly, Lucas was dead on.

How I wish he was wrong.

That's what she said.

There's so much behind-the-scenes footage and stories of Lucas tirelessly guiding the concept art and pre-visualization process on his films; making tons of hard, well-considered decisions amid a seemingly ever-revolving process that would last from before scripting into post-production. I guess this is why. To avoid mediocrity.

well... normally I think most of passionate rants on this site are childish and silly... but... I cant argue with you at all... I agree... whats the deal? Disney?

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This latest batch of images, combined with what the key actors disclosed about the Kylo Ren "Chosen One" plotline, has drained pretty much all of the excitement I had for seeing this film.

If I had my way, I'd wait a couple of weeks for the word of mouth on it, but my son is still chompin' hard at the bit to see it, and I'm not about to point out the double-dongs to a nine year old, so it's highly likely that in spite of my deep reservations I'll be there opening night with my family.

I just don't get what Disney's "trying" to do visually. You look at Hsiao's/other fans' brilliant work, and it's just plain as day that what Disney's churning out is completely inexcusable.

Could you imagine what Hsiao's variant X-Wing would look like? I'd love to see that, and I'd be completely confident that it would be triumphant in every single way.

Hsiao's TIE Mangler, man, it just leaves me speechless. https://www.artstation.com/artwork/xPVeE

Compare that to Kylo Ren's new ride. Forget it. There's no comparing the two, the quality difference is just that enormous.

I've got to stop myself from reexamining Hisao's work. All I'm going to do by doing so is set myself up for constantly wanting to see the touch of his brilliant mind on the screen instead of the crap that we're going to be given by the bucket load. Artists of his calibre should be the ones crafting material for the live action content. Filoni too. One can't generate work of that quality without pouring one's guts into it. It is evident that he loves McQuarrie's aesthetic to the core, and, even more importantly, he doesn't ape it, but rather thoughtfully contributes to the mythos by carefully amplifying it with his own voice. That's an artist that I can deeply respect.

Stop with the Disney stuff, Disney is not sitting in a board room coming up with designs, Rian has a team at Lucasfilm team at Skywalker ranch doing that, and he choses the designs, as he's said. "Like anything or hate anything about the movie, it's all on him." Oh and just keep ignoring what many have said an X-Wing has looked like for 40 years....

an xwing had a classic star fighter shape... pizza with a dong hanging down is different...

Every cannon is a dong, I get it. http://pleasesavemerobots.blogspot.com/ ... agery.html

I understand what youre saying... but I personally have NEVER thought that... until now.

and the commentary on the laziness in the design is spot on. Im sure it will look cool on screen.

It has an enormous schwanzstucker.

I personally think the concepts/designs in the new films (TFA and R1 specifically) have been exceedingly mediocre. Which isn't to say talented people aren't involved, but the designs of what has ended up in the films are so uninteresting and pedestrian. I'm holding back on criticicing the designs of TLJ as, so far, I like the look of the speeders, the ships flying over the salt lake and some of those B52 type rebel ships. However, the imperial ships look cack... but I suspect that's more a consequence of an (IMO) artistically flawed decision (made by Disney/Lucasfilm) to reuse the iconography/aesethic of the Empire/Imperials. Bland updated stormtroopers. Bland updated Tie Fighters, walkers and star destroyers...

I had a long rebuttle to this. Personally, I like the design.

Kyle, lighten the fuck up. It's a movie...it's star wars, don't even pretend you're not going to see it.

Good luke with your penis and dong dreams (maybe you should see a doctor about those).

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Post deleted by the author.

Explanation below.

Actually, I stopped reading your posts some times ago. They remind me of why I stopped reading the drivel that populates TFN.

Not our universe. We can't change it, we can't even voice an objection to it.

Your argument is to compare the new space ship to a dorito....with a dong. And I'm supposed to legitimize that with some massive post arguing why its not correct. Why talking about a space ship....with a dong....is not correct. God Help Me...Please. Are you 12?

If you don't like it, go cry foul with all the other fucknuts that want papa george back in the seat (maybe you'll find Jar Jar's great grandson to save you). Otherwise, shut your yap hole and enjoy the ride because nothing you say changes where this goes. Nothing you say changes the aesthetics....Disney isn't trawling this forum going "Oh...well, Kyle thinks it looks like a dong...maybe we should change it."

I swear to go, sheep are going to be the death of this franchise.

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Post deleted by the author.

Explanation below.

Yeah....ok.

I have evidence. You aren't worth it.

End of story.

I'm old enough not to care about a 12 year old's opinion of me on a BBS...been there, done that.

Now, be a good boy, go back to sucking from george's dong and just let the movie happen. We're four months from it being released and you're already writing it off.

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Post deleted by the author.

Explanation below.

I think you've been "educated" before about how none of these design choices are from Disney. There are no Disney executives sitting in a board room coming up with designs you don't like just to piss you off.

It's not Disney. It's Lucasfilm. It's the director of the current film. Disney simply owns the property, they don't dictate the story, script, designs, costumes, etc.

I think that the primary reason why I keep going back to Disney is that during the long bouts of preproduction, the Only Word we'll get on the new material is at a board meeting from Disney CEO Bob Iger.

Whenever he utters a few words about a film's status it makes major entertainment and financial headlines news everywhere.

To me, that indicates that Disney has sway, otherwise why even bother Iger, and then he holds major meetings about the franchise where no press is allowed to cover what he's revealing inside.

If Disney literally has no sway over what Lucasfilm is generating then I stand corrected.

I loved Rogue One. Interesting takes on new spacecraft abounded. An element that's completely missing in the new trilogy. I don't get why Lucasfilm is doing what it's doing. They're obviously capable of extremely higher heights than what we're being given for the new trilogy.

I owe the community an apology.

I swear, if one were to ever pool together every single post I've ever made in my lifetime, one would never find a posting or a reply on the level that I wrote last night.

I've been exhausted to the bone for several weeks. Getting a few hours of sleep each night, and during my daytime hours I work with a large quantity of children who's lives have been broken by their parents. When I deal with their parents, it has to always be with the utmost professionalism, even though what they're drowning their children in is unfathomable and reprehensible. I see how these individuals operate, how they always insidiously displace the horrific consequences of their evil actions onto their children, their victims, who, in their warped mind, "deserve" it.

The system never supplies an outlet for those who have to try and help these kids pickup the pieces. If you're good at your job, there's only ever more kids, and ever more pieces.

So, again, I deeply apologize.

In my decades of doing this hard work, I've learned in the most daunting way, with the highest stakes possible, that despite one's most earnest wishes, one can never change another person about anything. Ever.

So...

Let go.

Try to find Peace.

Move on, and carry on Life's path, wherever it leads you...