fecalphiliac slash fiction

darthpsychotic · Joined: 03 Jul 1971 Posts: 4270

Ordinarily I don't lower myself by slumming with the newer and lesser spinoff groups from TheForce.net's bulletin board system - "The Jedi Council" heretoforth known as the "JC".

Indeed, at the time circa year 2001, I felt like I was scraping the bottom of the barrel when I was trolling the premiere JC spinoff boards - The Slacker Council and The Refuge.

Now in the year 2004, there are newer (and lesser) JC spinoff groups who go by names such as "Blue Yoda Society", "Fecal Force", and "Off Topic".

The below slash fiction work was authored by a member of "The Fecals" and involves a JC moderator and a member of a rival spinoff group "Off Topic".

The piece was leaked onto me by a rogue member of "The Fecals" and is the same source who is pissing info onto one of the 50 JC administrators and "Off Topic" superstar cornerstore poster "Katya_Jade".

Now get ready to read some fucked up shit. nigga please

AUTHOR: "Saerah" JC Superstar

TITLE: MalkieD2 and Darth_Ignant: A Love Story

DEDICATION: For Robbie and Jigga

RATED: TL,DR

It’s because Ignant is smaller than me. That’s why he fits so neatly, snuggled into my chest, my arm around him as he sleeps. I love watching him sleep - dark hair drifting across his forehead, darker lashes relaxed against his cheek, all the tiny stress lines that normally settle around his eyes and mouth temporarily gone.

Who’d have thought it. Big, bad Malkie, instigator of terror for newbies and oldbies at the JC, likes to wake up early and watch his lover sleep. Better keep that one a secret. I do have a reputation to uphold.

My hand drifts across his back, over the mole that no one else gets to touch, across a few of the faint scars that still show. His skin is soft and warm under my fingers - I wonder what it was like when he was younger. Fewer scars, a little firmer, maybe. Wish I’d known him then. Wish I’d known him all my life.

Not that we’re old. Definitely not. Oh, I know some of the younger pilots reckon we’re feeble dotards that shouldn’t be allowed within ten meters of the Jedi Council. Hah! Ignant and I can still kick their asses at the board! Don’t know what I’ll do when I lose that edge. Retire somewhere on the fat pension I’ve been promised, I guess. As long as he’s there with me. I want to grow old with him.

Of course, we both might end up as so much space dust before then. Happens to the best of them. I’ve even thought about what I’ll do if I see Ignant killed. I’ve got his holo stuck right next to my computer. I couldn’t go on without him, just couldn’t bear it. But that’s only if I know for sure he’s dead. If I don’t see it with my own eyes, I’ll go get blind drunk and wait for him to show up. We Mods are pretty difficult to kill.

C’mon, Malkie, quit the morbid thoughts. What happened to living in the present? He’s in your bed, he’s very much alive, and you’ve both got a two-day leave. What more could you want?

Uh-oh. Must have been thinking too loud. He’s waking up. Oh, gods, it’s the brown eyes and the sleepy smile. Delicious. He needs another haircut.

“Good morning.” His voice is all low and growly. Sexy. He plants a kiss on my chest. “What time is it?”

I can see the exhaustion in his eyes. He works too hard. “It’s early,” I reply. “Go back to sleep.”

“You’re awake.”

“Yeah, you caught me. Now go back to sleep.”

He grins, his chin resting on my chest. “What if I don’t want to go back to sleep?” I flinch as his hand creeps down my stomach, tickling and arousing, leaving a familiar trail of fire in its wake.

“How in all the hells do you do that?” I manage to force out between clenched teeth.

“Do what?” His hand reaches its target and starts working its magic.

“You were sound asleep thirty seconds ago.” My breath hitches in my throat as his grip tightens ever so slightly. “And now you’re wide awake and...”

“Horny?” He wriggles up my body and presses a chaste kiss to my lips, instantly pulling away when I try to slip my tongue into his mouth. “Fast reactions. Guess that’s why they made me the Mod-Monkey Boy, Malkie.”

He tries to tease me with another half-kiss, but this time I manage to grab the back of his neck, pulling him in and plundering his mouth with my tongue. His moans vibrate straight through me and I can’t stop myself from thrusting into his hand. He shudders, pushing his own erection against my thigh.

Figuring I can trust him not to stop kissing me, I move my hand from his neck to his cock, squeezing and stroking in time with the rhythm he began. He settles himself more comfortably on his side, his lips never straying more than a centimeter or two from mine. Kissing, licking, nibbling, he continues massaging me higher and higher...

Yes, even after all this time, we can still get each other off with a simple hand-job. Especially first thing in the morning.

He groans, I groan ... our kisses intensify as we thrust against each other. Hot mouths, hot hands, hot ... everything. I have to stop kissing him - I need to breathe. My forehead rests against his as I gasp for oxygen.

“Malkie?” he pants.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

He knows which buttons to press. Romantic bastard. I come all over him.

It’s only when I come down from that euphoric high that I realize he’s gone limp in my hand and my stomach is now warm and sticky. He kisses me gently before opening his eyes and melting my heart.

“Every time, Malkie. Every time.”

I try to frown at him. “Didn’t see you holding back, old man.” I stretch for the box of wipes that lives on the bedside table but don’t quite make it. He’s rolled on top of me, pinning me in place.

“Young enough for you, my English loverboy.”

“Ignant, get off.”

“Done that.” He laughs and squirms a little. Yuck. Our sticky bodies make a squelching noise.

“We’ve got time for a shower,” he whispers. Suddenly the wriggling stops. “Hey, we’ve got two days! We’ve got time for a lot of things.”

“Memory going again, baby? I take it you’d forgotten about our R&R.”

He kisses his way along my collar bone, lightly grazing it with his teeth. “I was a little preoccupied.” He looks up again, brown eyes twinkling. “So, what are we going to do for two days?”

I try to push him off me. “First, we shower. Then ... I’m sure we’ll think of something.”

“You wanna stay in bed for two days?”

“Only if you shower first. You stink.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what happens when you spend the night with a smelly Scottishman.” He leaps off the bed and holds out his arm to me. “Two days, huh?”

I grab his hand and haul myself upright, trying to ignore the sticky mess smeared all over my stomach and thighs. “Yup, two days. Maybe we could just put up a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign and lock the door.”

There’s a definite gleam in those eyes. “Sounds good to me.” He slips his arm around my waist and steers me toward the shower room.

My arm settles naturally around his shoulders, squeezing gently as the emotion inside threatens to break out once more. Our lives are so unpredictable -- Maybe that’s why our time together is so precious.

Two days. Two whole days just to be together.

My arm tightens around him again, and he squeezes my waist in reply as he rests his head on my shoulder. I kiss his hair.

He’s the other half of my soul. And he fits so neatly.

Story hacked apart by Lin. [Saerah]

derek · aim: general grievous Joined: 31 Oct 2003 Posts: 684

its not fan fiction if it actually happened

bacta · Joined: 10 Nov 2003 Posts: 1596

I wish I had something funny to say here but I'm afraid the gaging hasn't stopped yet.

malkieD2 · Joined: 01 Apr 2004 Posts: 287 Location: London, UK

Insert Username · Consumer Joined: 31 Oct 2003 Posts: 962

And I thought saerah was just a pseudointellectual art cunt.
Turns out she's a Goth superfriend hag as well!

Never can tell on the interweb.....

SI · Site Admin Joined: 25 May 1977 Posts: 1488

I remember that saerah from back in '99. I dunno what the fuck happened...?

malkieD2 · Joined: 01 Apr 2004 Posts: 287 Location: London, UK

I think I must have fucked her sister.

No, wait, that doesn't work, does it ?

BobTheGoon · Joined: 31 Oct 2003 Posts: 275

Jesus. She must really hate you and Ignant, malkie. I remember she had that hissyfit a few weeks ago. I'm no homophobe, but it takes a pretty sick individual to spend that much time and put that much thought into something like this.

Broodstar · **BAS SUPERSTAR** Joined: 11 Feb 2004 Posts: 247

christ

Kyyle K · Joined: 31 Oct 2003 Posts: 97

I honestly don't know which is the saddest: saerah being into that kind of shit in the first place or her obsessing so much over two people she hardly knows that she would write some batshit insane slash fic piece about the two of them.

/shudder

darthpsychotic · Joined: 03 Jul 1971 Posts: 4270

Saerah
Goddess in Training

Joined: 01 Nov 2004
Posts: 108

Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2004 10:19 pm
Post subject: Would anyone really Fuck Fate???

Fate is a fucking attention whore. She clogs up the SC with crap.

mangojellytoast · Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 20

haha yes, six posts in the last month, they're so clogged up!

darthpsychotic · Joined: 03 Jul 1971 Posts: 4270

Insert Username · Consumer Joined: 31 Oct 2003 Posts: 962

Anyone directed her to this thread yet?

Bentom · Joined: 26 Mar 2004 Posts: 32

nomad · Joined: 28 Oct 2004 Posts: 259

darthpsychotic · Joined: 03 Jul 1971 Posts: 4270

I really don't e-know saerah that well but from what I remember she was a sweetie. saerah is a longtime member of the slacker council and now apparently a TFN superstar who is often nominated for a moderator position.

Recently saerah has been associating with a new TFN spinoff group obssessed with shit called the Fecal Force ( nigga please

). Many Fecalphiliacs are also MF'ers, such as: Cheri, Gabe, robbie_202320329834220, Snowball and probably more.

Mainly The Fecalphiliacs rail against TFN mods, other TFN members, and what they think is preferential treatment by the TFN mod's for their e-friends. (Basically the same issues other TFN spinoff groups have been doing since 1998.)

The aforementioned fecalphiliacs are welcome here, however they can expect saerah's words of wisdom to be reposted publically from time to time. :meatwad:

Smelly · Joined: 08 Nov 2004 Posts: 2

Coming Soon.......Part 2!!!
I hope you are all looking forward to it.

Saerah · Joined: 08 Nov 2004 Posts: 9

I love you all. Really, I'm sensing a giant lovefest coming about.

robbie_20002002 · Joined: 11 Oct 2004 Posts: 244 Location: Ecosse

Funny shit! Anyone who thinks that's a homphobic diatribe needs to lighten up! Haven't you heard that we're a laughingstock in the JC? Why? Cos we don't take that place seriously! And that we've been described as gay and poopy by a JC moderator? lol! We wanted to adopt that as our new motto in the JC, but it got several members into trouble, followed by the hacking of our boards. Shit happens! I just can't believe it's spread over to MF!! lol! :heavymetal:

Saerah · Joined: 08 Nov 2004 Posts: 9

Y'all just bein' jealous 'cause I've decided to hang with the gay poopy peeps too.

KitFisto · Co-host of SWD hillaripus Joined: 25 May 1977 Posts: 1248

Saerah · Joined: 08 Nov 2004 Posts: 9

OH yeah, really nice changing my user title. I feel special now.

Babes, I've got more to do than hang out here. I just think it's funny that you all have drawn the lines so clearly now. We've all chosen our sides and I suppose the knives are drawn. To me, it's all so silly. At least the FF'ers can laugh at themselves, something a lot of JC mods and OT'ers need to learn to do.

darthpsychotic · Joined: 03 Jul 1971 Posts: 4270

Saerah · Joined: 08 Nov 2004 Posts: 9

GET A LIFE PEOPLE!

I am seriously disappointed in the lot of you. Although, I never had high expectations to begin with.

Look at me! I am popular on the interweb! I can pretend to hack into others' message boards! Oooh! They're talking about me! Gotta show my sychopants this!!

P.S. I am still a sweetie. I just don't like it when people feck with my friends.

darthpsychotic · Joined: 03 Jul 1971 Posts: 4270

let the hate flow

Saerah · Joined: 08 Nov 2004 Posts: 9

Sorry, I don't hate you persay, or anyone else.

droideka27 · Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2004 6:01 pm Post subject:

Saerah · Joined: 08 Nov 2004 Posts: 9

Droideka, I would say something and stoop to your level, but you would enjoy that too much.

droideka27 · Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2004 6:03 pm Post subject:

Saerah · Joined: 08 Nov 2004 Posts: 9

I love you.

droideka27 · Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2004 6:05 pm Post subject:

superfriend!

Saerah · Joined: 08 Nov 2004 Posts: 9

Hmm, no i don't like cigarettes, thanks.

derek · aim: general grievous Joined: 31 Oct 2003 Posts: 684

saerah I love you and the jcc keep up the good work internet user extraordinaire

Saerah · Joined: 08 Nov 2004 Posts: 9

It's madness I tell you--madness!

Okay, the title is unnecessary, kiddies. I'm logging out of here now and never coming back.

Have fun!

derek · aim: general grievous Joined: 31 Oct 2003 Posts: 684

no wait contribute more posts for me to read and enjoy

derek · aim: general grievous Joined: 31 Oct 2003 Posts: 684

aclonewhoisdifferent (permbanned ;_;)

YodaJeff · Joined: 19 Mar 2004 Posts: 14

derek · aim: general grievous Joined: 31 Oct 2003 Posts: 684

shut up yoda jeff you aren't a very nice person :'(

darthpsychotic · Joined: 03 Jul 1971 Posts: 4270

you can be unbanned when you're as smart as yoda

robbie_20002002 · Joined: 11 Oct 2004 Posts: 244 Location: Ecosse

"EDIT: Oh yes, also she is a super cool 3SA knight, do not forget!!!1!!!"

DroidDeka we all know we aren't cool! We post on a SW messageboard for christ sakes! If you think we take the 3SA Knights seriously you should visit the website! Oh and rape jokes ain't funny. Poop jokes are lol! This whole thing is silly beyond belief. Much like the FF. Even more so the JCC. Yet more the offtopic boards! If you don't like us fine, post that on your messageboard like we do. But lets not do it on MF. They don't even like TFN! (well mostly!) Chill!

nomad · Joined: 28 Oct 2004 Posts: 259

fear my rank

derek · aim: general grievous Joined: 31 Oct 2003 Posts: 684

Assy · Joined: 10 Nov 2003 Posts: 396

WHY WONT ANYONE THINK OF THE JC

USER WAS NEGRO FOR THIS POST

darthpsychotic · Joined: 03 Jul 1971 Posts: 4270

:gb2bas:

Assy · Joined: 10 Nov 2003 Posts: 396

lol

darthy
security administrator
bad motherfucker

aka bas superstar

bacta · Joined: 10 Nov 2003 Posts: 1596

WHAT IS GOING ON I HAVE GONE BACK IN TIME TO 2003

KitFisto · Co-host of SWD hillaripus Joined: 25 May 1977 Posts: 1248

rape is funny, george carlin said so. :weed:

Insert Username · Consumer Joined: 31 Oct 2003 Posts: 962

droideka27 · Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2004 11:52 pm Post subject:

rape jokes are funny, aids jokes are funny, cancer jokes are funny, your mom dying jokes are funny.

Unless you're a lame tight ass with the sense of humor of a 8 year old.

BONANZA