bearvomit wrote:
the whole tradition of putting makeup on the dead just trips me out.
Bandersnatch wrote:
Who is it for? ...the people looking at the dead...? And it's expensive, too. You blow thousands of dollars for a 6 foot fucking hole in the ground. Cremate me, put me in a jar, slap a sticker on it and chuck me in Lake Erie. kthanksbye.
Well, we have a crematory and a cemetery too. So I've got you covered whatever you want to do. I was certified as a "Crematory Operator" a while ago, there's less training for that. Becoming a funeral director or embalmer (some states have separate licenses for each, mine makes you learn both) is much more time-consuming.
As a public health concern, the dead human body represents the most dangerous store of pathogens capable of killing other humans. The primary goal of embalming is the disinfection of those pathogens and the temporary inhibition of decomposition. While we do, as bearvomit puts it, "put make-up on dead people", we do so at the end of a lengthy chemical process, and after whatever (often very time-consuming and complicated) physical measures need to be taken to eliminate the myriad of unsightly physical conditions that can accompany death. The make-up is a final, often very slight touch. Sometimes it can be extensive, but with the right artistic talent it should appear unnoticeable. Unless you're a clown, and while I haven’t had any of them yet, that would be something I'd do if asked.
I think of it as a scientific art-project. It's also the hardest job I've ever had, much harder than I thought when I set out. I've seen things that would make most people vomit and have nightmares. And when asked, we turn that into a peaceful, typically accurate representation of the person it 'used' to be. I don't feel like I have to defend the funeral industry, I didn't invent it. I intend to reinvent parts of it, but that’s a different story. I have come to understand "why" we do what we do.
I understand why many people don’t want to participate, and prefer being turned to ash and often returned to nature. I think the future will provide different options that will be more resource-conscious, economical, and yet more respectful of the individual. Many people have a visitation before cremation, or they might have a memorial service afterward. I feel bad for the folks who don't have anything though. I don’t appreciate the concept of "body disposal", but the superficial materialistic attitude of the weaker-minded segments of modern culture will try to convince you that in the end, you are trash. I hope that trend reverses. I’m not a consumer with low self-esteem, I am a golden bag of sentient chaos, and I aint goin out like the garbage. Call me egotistical.
As far as "who is it for?” that depends. We're all individuals. Some take the time to pre-plan, ensuring their own wishes are followed or to ease the burden on loved ones who still live. Most people don’t pre-plan, and from what I’ve seen economics are just as dominate in that decision making process as ones final wishes. But most try to strike a balance there, wanting to do what they think the dead person would have wanted, and then do so within their budget.
Psychologically, there have been a multitude of studies and tons of research done, and I’m not inclined to disagree with them. If so, I'd be in cooking school or something. According to the experts, the least traumatic way for a survivor to accept the reality of death (the not-happening of which leads to 'complicated/extended' grief) is to be confronted with a peaceful presentation of the dead body.
The first stage of grief is denial. I'm not an expert; I'm just a student. But maybe if I share how it worked in my head it will make sense.
12/31/2008 I got a call from my mom. She was crying hysterically. She had gotten a phone call and I had to pick her up at 3am and drive her to the emergency room. Once there they led us to a room with a priest and he led us into another room and there was my brother. He looked like he had been knocked out, or he was sleeping or something. But nope, he was dead. His wife was there. The hysterical women screamed. I didn’t. My mom turns to me and says, "Can you believe this??"
Well yeah, I can believe it, cuz here he is, deader than a doornail. Wtf?? I had to accept it, because here was the horrible truth right in front of me. I didn't know then, but she wasn't having the same reaction.
Having been through grief psy, I understand the process now. But ever since that lousy day, even before they explained to me the 'why', I had been thankful that I got to see him there, dead. Because if I hadn’t seen him ever again, part of me would have always wondered if he was really gone, or if it was a trick, or if I saw someone who looked like him I'd wonder if that WAS him. I don’t have to wonder, I know. 100%. And while it sucks, it’s undeniable to me.
Having the body present for a visitation, and doing a good job in preparing the body, gives that same opportunity to the rest of the community. Be they friends, family, co-workers, whoever. It helps people accept, and accurately remember rather than morbidly gossip about, the deceased. It helps provide a sense of closure and peace to loved ones after a lengthy illness or traumatic event has seemingly robbed them of their dignity as well as their life. I can see why some find it uncomfortable. But the people who refuse to walk into our chapel and view the body are the ones who would probably benefit the most from it.
bearvomit wrote:
And the ones i've ever seen never look like the person anyways. Granny never wore bright pink blush with curled eyelashes. How come Grannie looks like a 32nd street hooker?
If I look like Swamp Thing or something out of a George Romero slasher movie, just close the lid and let me go! I don't need foundation!
See, that's what we call a 'less than ideal result'. Sometimes, you can only do so much. That doesn't happen at our place unless we have no picture to work from or if God has jacked you up too bad. Some places though, and good luck to em', have less than ideal results often.
As far as cremation vs. burial, I dunno', pick one. Like I said, I've got you covered. I've got a few better ideas for the future than either of them, but I'm not telling what they are until I can patent them. And retire.
Me, I’m gonna stick my head on a robot and live to be 500.
Omfg that is so fucked up on so many levels.
