GIJOE 2009 • The Movie Spoilers Thread.


My review: GI Joe is a big, dumb, sometimes entertaining summer action flick.

This movie got lucky it released during a summer of bad movies. It is getting a pass as an okay movie from most things I read.

so was Cobra Commander a complete abortion of the character or was he pretty cool? how's the voice and face?

The majority of the time, he sounds like Ledger’s Joker in a lower register. When Dr. Lewis reveals his burnt face, his voice sounds exactly like Chris Latta’s Cobra Commander from the Sunbow cartoon series. (Your “was once a man” comment is dead on.) At the end of the film, he dons a helmet-type mask and sounds like James Earl Jones on steroids.

To me, Dr. Lewis was one of the best things about the film. Gordon-Levitt's sinister portrayal is very much along the lines of the cartoon Cobra Commander. Even though I prefer the Marvel take on the Commander, I will always have a soft spot for the Sunbow version. As a kid, he was my favorite character on the show. As an adult re-watching the cartoon, I see why I was so drawn to him. Whether he is conniving or cowering, Cobra Commander was always doing something interesting in the series.

In regard to the film overall, I am left with a pretty empty feeling. The positives of the film contrast sharply with its shortcomings, and therefore, bring down the experience rather than elevate it.

Case in point is the Paris chase. This sequence perfectly joins the movie’s two best elements – the tight plot structure and the well designed sci-fi gizmos. Unfortunately, because it works so well, you then realize how mediocre the first half of the film truly was.

Based on some reviews and my knowledge of plot, I had assumed that the brisk pace and the one-dimensional characterizations would be one of the movies strengths. After watching the end product, I realize that these elements are the main detractor.

Stewart Beattie was smart to take a cue from the Marvel comics and interlock the back stories of the characters. With the comics, this approach provided emotional depth to the stories.

Unfortunately, Sommers is only interested in dealing with the character's emotions on its most basics level. Therefore, the impact is completely dulled or not felt at all.

During the climax, Duke and the now-reformed Ana chase Cobra Commander and Destro as they flee. Instead of cheering for the heroes, I found myself rooting for the villains to get away. Even though Duke and Ana are the emotional center of the film, I wanted to follow bad guy’s storyline as it was much more interesting.

I suppose I would have cared more if there was some context to Ana and Duke’s relationship. Prior to the chase, the audience is only shown one scene where the two are together in love. No time is taken to show why they care so deeply about one another or even how they meet. The audience is simply asked to accept their feelings for one another and leave it that.

In general, this approach isn’t very fair to the actors. Miller, Tatum, and most the other cast actually give okay to good performances. The only actors who seem to struggle are Wayans and Nichols. During their scenes together, their flat line reading makes their hammy dialogue seem even more clichéd.

Many Joe purists bristled at having Wayans portray Ripcord. Personally, I never thought of this choice as a problem. I now see the otherside of this argument. During one scene, Wayans enters from the left of the screen and literally looks as he is walking in from another movie. For whatever reason, he seems out of place in this film.

In regard to the other performance in the film, I would say that Eccleston does the best job after Gordon-Levitt. He plays Destro as smarmy hot-tempered villain. Again, I prefer the intellectual and cool-under the pressure Destro from the comics. But, within the context of the film, I think the Eccleston’s performance works.

I am most disappointed with Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow. Park is good in the few action scenes in which he is employed, but is just background scenery for most of the film. (He doesn’t even get to intervene when Ripcord attempts to seduce his woman.) While Lee is well cast as Storm Shadow, the character is underwritten.

Even though I am kvetching about the movie, I have to admit that the “general audience” I sat with seemed to eat it up. The majority of the jokes got strong laughs and everyone left the theater talking positively about the movie. (Maybe I’m being overly critical?)

I cannot evaluate whether or not this is the best film of the summer as it is the only film I have seen this summer. It’s definitely the best Sommer’s film I have seen as I have only seen Van Helsing.

On one level, I think my prior analogy to Burton’s Batman is pretty good. This is Stephen Sommers’ version of G.I. Joe complete with one-note characterizations and gratuitous CGI (half of which is very good and half of which is painfully cartoonish).

On another level, it’s just a partially entertaining movie about a toyline. It’s the new Masters of the Universe.

GI Joe now playing in the MF Film Forum for those who have access

Tonight, I saw G.I. Joe.

My first reaction is to write some kind of funny, over-the-top critique but I'm really going to try and not be an internet dork and try and provide some actual commentary. I respect you guys and your opinions enough not to swipe them aside with immature bashing. I, after all, watched this cartoon as a kid and owned dozens of Joe figures. This franchise, like Transformers, was a huge part of my early childhood.

What the film did well:
- Snake Eyes was absolutely the best thing about the film. Ray Park's a really cool guy, so it wasn't a stretch to think once he was casted Snake Eyes would be awesome, but the sword play and his mannerisms were spot on. Worked cinematically and as a reference to the character of old. At least in my opinion. His flashback scenes were the best, by far.
- A couple entertaining action sequences
- The women were hot
- The movie was short and the plot was fairly tight. No wasted scenes from what I remember.

Overrated:
- The tech: we've seen every single piece of tech in this movie done a dozen times before. I wasn't impressed and I think it was too distracting and far too flashy.
- The CGI - hit in miss. Most of it looked like an animated film, or filmed in a basement green screen stage, but there were a couple shots that worked quite well - notably the Paris scene and the drop out of the plane.
- The performances - not one performance in this movie was good or even adequate. More on this below.

G.I. Joe is exactly the type of movie I thought it would be - the Fantastic Four of 80s cartoon/Hasbro movies. It's got a B to C list cast, mediocre production values and a bad crew. If you honestly had zero expectations of entertainment going into this movie, you'd be in and out with some cheap thrills in tow. If you were hyped from the beginning and were excited for the launch of the filmic version of a franchise you so cherished as a child there's no way on God's green Earth you could be anything but disappointed, outraged, and embarrassed. I truly mean that without any disrespect to anyone here. This movie was made for 6 year olds and even most of them are too smart for it, not to mention it's far too violent for children of that age. I'm trying hard here not to sound like an asshole, but the movie is absolutely retarded by any measure. The script is a mess, the direction a joke, the acting is laughable. Whatever that idiot's name is who plays Duke is a worse actor than Hayden Christensen. Fact. I'm not even going to talk about Wayans because it goes without saying that his role in this movie was a disaster.

I'm starting to feel bad for what else I might say in the rest of this diatribe because it's already starting to become too 'hater-ish' for its own good. And this is me trying to be objective.

Objective commentary:
- the whole bad guys have mind control over their minions sounds pretty familiar...especially the idea that there's some sort of indicator that they're being controlled; for instance, a scar of some kind on their neck. Oh I remember now where I've seen that before - X2: when it was done a hell of a lot better.

The film had a big decline this past weekend, but is doing well overall (source):

"Dropping 59% to second place in its second weekend, Stephen Sommers' action movie G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (Paramount) added another $22.5 million to bring its total to $98.8 million after ten days. Overseas, "G.I. Joe" topped the box office with an additional $26.2 million for a total of $91.5 million. The film has earned $190.5 million worldwide in 10 days."

The sequel was already being planned. So, I guess this clinches things. Hopefully, the box office success will lead to a fulltime Resolute program.

I know others in the forum were planning to see the movie. Does anyone else care to give a review or is your silence indicative of your disappointment?

I gave the film a "C". From my review: