I have several PHDs in Psychology, Hormone Theropy, Liver Disease, Breast Cancer, Post-Partem Depression, Grief Counsuling, Chemical Imbalances, Brain Tumors, Sexual Disfunction, Crisis of Faith and all other disorders found in most humans and animals.

I am here to help you.

Ask away!

Dr. Bandersnatch has been approved by the Church of Scientology and the Tom Cruise Fan Club.

Dr. Bandersnatch,

Is ECT really safe?

ECT, or Elephantine Cock Throbbing, is perfectly safe, especially for homosexuals. So for you, I highly recommend ECT.




The cyst you refer to will soon be back in my hands. This cyst is now the ultimate power in the universe. I suggest you use it. Don't be too proud of this vaginal terror you've constructed. The ability to pop a vaginal cyst is insigificant next to the power of the Hymen.



Thank you for these first few questions. I hope this has been of some help. Please feel free to ask further questions, as I am an expert in all psychological and medical fields.

Remember, my back door is always open.

Keep up the good work, and prevent accidents...

dear abby

My girlfriend left me so now I don't like her.

from Lords name in vain

Dr. Bandersnatch,

How do you feel?

Not sure who "abby" is, but I will be willing to offer some help:

Kill her.







The body structure, or anatomy, of the frog is very similar to the anatomy of man. Both man and the frog have the same kinds of organs and systems of organs. The frog's anatomy, however, is much simpler.

General Body Features

As in other higher vertebrates, the frog body may be divided into a head, a short neck, and a trunk (see Vertebrates). The flat head contains the brain, mouth, eyes, ears, and nose. A short, almost rigid neck permits only limited head movement. The stubby trunk forms walls for a single body cavity, the coelom.

Man's internal organs are housed in one of three distinct hollow cavities--the chest, the abdomen, and the pelvis. The human chest is separated from the abdomen by a powerful muscular partition, the diaphragm (see Diaphragm). There is no such partition in the frog's coelom. All the frog's internal organs--including the heart, the lungs, and all organs of digestion--are held in this single hollow space.

The Skeleton and Muscles

The frog's body is supported and protected by a bony framework called the skeleton (see Skeleton).

The skull is flat, except for an expanded area that encases the small brain. Only nine vertebrae make up the frog's backbone, or vertebral column. The human backbone has 24 vertebrae. The frog has no ribs.

The frog does not have a tail. Only a spikelike bone, the urostyle, remains as evidence that primitive frogs probably had tails. The urostyle, or "tail pillar," is a downward extension of the vertebral column.

The shoulders and front legs of the frog are somewhat similar to man's shoulders and arms. The frog has one "forearm" bone, the radio-ulna. Man has two forearm bones, the radius and the ulna. Both frog and man have one "upper arm" bone, the humerus.

The hind legs of the frog are highly specialized for leaping. The single "shinbone" is the tibiofibula. Man has two lower leg bones, the tibia and the fibula. In man and in the frog, the femur is the single upper leg (thigh) bone. A third division of the frog's leg consists of two elongated anklebones, or tarsals. These are the astragalus and the calcaneus. The astragalus corresponds to the human talus. The calcaneus in the human skeleton is the heel bone.

As in other vertebrates, the frog skeleton is moved by muscles (see Muscles). Skeleton-moving muscles are made of skeletal, or "striated," muscle. Internal organs contain smooth muscle tissue.

The Circulatory System

The frog heart is the only organ contained within the coelom which has its own protective covering. This is the pericardium (see Heart). There are two upper chambers of the heart, the right atrium and the left atrium. The frog heart, however, has only one lower chamber, a single ventricle. In man, the lower heart chamber is divided into two compartments, the right ventricle and the left ventricle.

Oxygen-laden blood and oxygen-poor blood containing waste gases are present together in the frog ventricle at all times. The oxygen-laden and oxygen-poor bloods, however, do not mix. Such mixing is prevented by a unique arrangement of the frog's heart. Instead of "perching" on top of the ventricle, the right atrium dips downward into the ventricle. This causes oxygen-poor blood entering the right atrium to pass all the way down to the bottom of the ventricle.

Meanwhile, oxygen-laden blood is received by the left atrium and enters the same single ventricle. The pool of oxygen-poor blood at the bottom of the ventricle holds up the oxygen-laden blood and prevents it from sinking to the bottom. When the oxygen-poor blood flows from the ventricle into vessels leading to the lungs, the oxygen-laden blood tries to "follow" it. The lung vessels, however, are filled with oxygen-poor blood, blocking the oxygen-laden blood and forcing oxygen-laden blood to detour into the arteries. These carry the oxygen-laden blood to the tissues.

Frog blood has both a solid and a liquid portion. The liquid plasma carries solid elements such as red blood cells and white blood cells. (See also Blood.)

The Skin and Respiratory System

The frog is covered by a soft, thin, moist skin composed of two layers, an outer epidermis and an inner dermis (see Skin). The skin does not merely protect the frog but helps in respiration (see Respiratory System).

An extensive network of blood vessels runs throughout the frog's skin. Oxygen can pass through the membranous skin, thereby entering directly into the blood. When a frog submerges beneath the water, all its respiration takes place through the skin. Oxygen is obtained directly from the water.

The frog does not breathe through its skin alone. Adult frogs have paired, simple, saclike lungs. As in man, air enters the body through two nostrils, passes through the windpipe, and is received by the lungs (see Lungs). The mechanism of breathing, however, is different in the frog from that in man. In humans breathing is aided by the ribs, the diaphragm, and the chest muscles. The frog has no ribs or diaphragm, and its chest muscles are not involved in breathing.

A frog may breathe by simply opening its mouth and letting air flow into the windpipe. However, it may also breathe with its mouth closed. The floor of the mouth is lowered, causing the frog's throat to "puff out." When the nostrils open, air enters the enlarged mouth. Then, with nostrils closed, the air in the mouth is forced into the lungs by contraction of the floor of the mouth.

The Digestive and Excretory Systems

The frog's mouth is where digestion begins. It is equipped with feeble, practically useless teeth. These are present only in the upper jaw. The frog's tongue is highly specialized. Normally, the tip of its tongue is folded backward toward the throat. From this position the frog can flick it out rapidly to grasp any passing prey. To better hold this prey, the tongue is sticky. (See also Tongue.)

Food passes from the frog's mouth into the stomach by way of the esophagus. From the stomach, the food moves into the small intestine, where most of the digestion occurs. Large digestive glands, the liver and the pancreas, are attached to the digestive system by ducts. A gall bladder is also present (see Digestive System).

Liquid wastes from the kidneys travel by way of the ureters to the urinary bladder. Solid wastes from the large intestine pass into the cloaca. Both liquid and solid waste material leave the body by way of the cloaca and the cloacal vent.

The Nervous System and Sense Organs

The frog has a highly developed nervous system. It consists of a brain, a spinal cord, and nerves. (See also Brain and Spinal Cord; Nervous System.)

The important parts of the frog brain correspond to comparable parts in the human brain. The medulla regulates automatic functions such as digestion and respiration. Body posture and muscular co-ordination are controlled by the cerebellum. The cerebrum is very small in the frog. By comparison the human cerebrum is very large. In man the cerebrum is involved in many important life processes.

Only 10 cranial nerves originate in the frog's brain. Man has 12. Similarly, the frog has only 10 pairs of spinal nerves. Man has 30 pairs.

Two simple holes make up the nostrils for the frog. There are complex valves but no long nasal passages as there are in man (see Nose). The frog's sense of smell is registered by olfactory lobes. These make up the forward portion of the brain.

The eye is crude. Its fixed lens cannot change its focus. Poorly developed eyelids do not move. To close its eye, the frog draws the organ into its socket (see Eye). A third eyelid, or nictitating membrane, may be drawn over the pulled-in eyeball.

There is no external ear (see Ear). Both eardrums, or tympanic membranes, are exposed. There is only one bone in the frog's middle ear. The human middle ear contains three bones (ossicles). As in man, semicircular canals help to maintain body balance.

be careful, im having trouble getting mine back on... ever since i raped princess the dog

Raping dogs is not recomended. If the dog still has your penis, you might want to consider killing the dog, eating it, and then waiting approximately 48 hours for said penis to grow back. If the dog is already dead, then it might be time for you to consider becoming a woman. If you are already a woman, then heavy doses of Dr. Bandersnatch's Magic Hymen* will have you back to normal in no time.

*(Dr. Bandersnatch's Magic Hymen is a product of Dr. Bandersnatch, who is does not take responsibility for any negative side effects)

Dr. Bandersnatch,

Me and my fellow homosexuals like to get together every once in awhile and play butt rangers. Last week, some semen accidentally got in my eye. Ever since, no matter how many times I wash, my vision is still glazed over. What can I do about this?

Dear Dr. Bandersnatch,

Is it wrong to keep having the re-occuring dreams of placing dead hookers in the ceiling crawlspace at hotels in New Orleans? I've had this dream at least six times, and don't know how they end up dead, or why I think its a good idea to keep them in the crawlspace...any advise would be greatly appreciated.

It's "my fellow homosexuals and I."






This is really only a concern if you have not actually placed dead hookers in this location. A trip to New Orleans should be in your immediate plans. If you have a wife, sell her. If you have children, give them away. If you have any other family, pretend you don't know them. If you have a home, leave it. If you own a car, use it to get to New Orleans, then abandon it. If you own more than 10 DVDs, take them with you.

I'm sorry, the glazed over eyes are making it hard to spell and word correctly. Please help, Dr. Bandersnatch.

Docta B,

As you know i am a crossdressing freak.

Sometimes I have this dream about being taken up to a cabin in the woods and made to dress as a girl all the time and live as a cabin girl slut to 5 studly men who rape me and make me their maid.

Should I follow through on this? And if so, what outfits should I wear?

aBa

In the Old Testament of the Bible, there's a description in The Book of Tobit about how an old man's cataracts which were caused by bird poop are removed by someone spitting in some mud and rubbing it in the eyes.

Don't do that.

Instead, try ejaculating in the other eye to bring balace to your vision. If both eyes are already glazed over, try simply looking at the world in a different, more artistic "glazed-over" way.






Definately follow through with it. The "maid" part sounds especially healthy and good for the self-esteem. Make sure the 5 studly men are actually men and not women dressed as men. It is also important that they are in fact 5, and not an act involving smoke, mirrors and blue body makeup. This can be confirmed by examining the hind-quarters.

Dress as "Go Go Yubari" from Kill Bill Volume 1, and all will be well.

Thanks..

I'll keep you posted on the results...i hope they have internet in the cabin, and i'm allowed to use it inbetween the fucking, cooking, cleaning, and blow jobs i have to give.

studly man reporting in

A studly man does not "report in," nor does he announce that he is "locking his S-foils in attack position." The studly man simply shows up unannounced with his 4 comrades ready to fuck the aBa with all the skill of a redneck performance artist.

I have read all the papers. I have done the research. You should have more respect and do the research and read the papers that I have.

Be patient, my lovely patient... One glass of peachshitdeanfortinabledrinkmixsatinthrustmightyfailurefruitpunch is not nearly enough to cure what ails you. Try drinking at least one gallon of it as quickly as possible, preferably through your nose with a straw. Repeat after 20 minutes. Continue this for 6 days. Alack! what poverty my Muse brings forth, That having such a scope to show her pride, The argument, all bare, is of more worth Than when it hath my added praise beside; O! blame me not, if I no more can write! Look in your glass, and there appears a face That over-goes my blunt invention quite, Dulling my lines and doing me disgrace. Were it not sinful then, striving to mend, To mar the subject that before was well? For to no other pass my verses tend Than of your graces and your gifts to tell; And more, much more, than in my verse can sit, Your own glass shows you when you look in it.

Ravioli with pesto sauce & sprinkle those babies on top for garnish.

Dear Dr. Bandersnatch:

Everytime I click a Corky link, I want to vomit. Is there something wrong with with me?

Signed,

Sleepless in Seattle

I actually assisted with about a dozen ECT's while working as a Psychiaric tech at the Naval Medical Center San Diego. It is pretty firghtening. There is usually about 3 Psychiatric Dr.'s on hand, one anesthesiologist, one nurse, and me. My job was to record the time of the actual physical seizure.

The anesthesiologist gives the patient a fast acting sedative and some kind of high power muscle relaxant. before administering the drugs, I would inflate BP cuff around the pt's calf. if would cut off the circulation to the pt's calve. Once the patient is sedated (unconscious) and intibated, the doctor will place a pair of probes onto either side of the pt's head and then give him/her the juice. the electroconvulsive current sends the patient into a grand "maul" seizure; however, the muscle relaxant will prevent the patient from physically seizing. I however, put that BP cuff on the patients leg. the leg never received any medications. when the patient is shocked, I would start a stop watch and watch as the pt's foot would convulse and twitch for usually 20-30 seconds. (the longer the better) Meanwhile, the docters could record the length of the brain seizure from a read out the head probes would display.

Immediately after this process, the anesthesiologist gives the patient a medication that brings the patient out from the anethesia and also between 200-400 mgs of IV caffeine!

Now if that is'nt weird enough....the "scary" part happens when the patient awakes. The biggest immediate drawback to ECT is short term memory loss. When the patient awakes, he/she has absolutely no idea where they are, why there are docters, nurses, etc all around them. 9 times out of ten, the patients completely freak out and start screaming! Sometimes they think they have died and have been recusitated. It would usually take about 5-10 mintues to get them to calm down. I would then take the patient back to thier room and recover them over the course of several hours (nuero checks, vital signs etc.) The memory loss would usually last for several days. They would forget phone numbers, addresses, birth days and such. They were always happier though. honest.

yeah, this is res... we want to hear those stories

Don't worry. More than likely, it is cancer, a third testi and a parastic twin. Stay calm, take lots of pictures, and make a hit indy film based on your experience.





I would vomit too if I lived in Seattle. Move to Ohio, and resume clicking.

Dr. Bandersnatch,

I’ve been a heavy smoker for about 15 years and have recently begun choking up large black tar-like masses.

These episodes usually last about 5 to 10min. every 25min. and leave me in a wheezing, bloodied nose state with an unusual amount of drool. My friends and family are deeply concerned but I think it’s a sign that I’m just becoming more and more healthier! No worries, right?

Stop smoking, and switch to a more productive habit like injecting kerosine into your veins.

...But your memory shall live on in the form of archived internet message boards.

This is in fact a workable solution, if you truly want to do this sort of thing. I suggest you start by allowing me to transplant your brain and sexual organs (if applicable) into one of my earlier inventions:

I was thinking more along the lines of "BotBoy."

Fixed. Diagnose away, Dr. Bandersnatch!

Oh, I do not mock. I sympathize. Demodex makes me angry, too. Maybe the good doctor can help me and your growth.

The right, only now it's spread to the toes.

I tried Desonex but I think I just made it angry[/quote]

As long as it doesn't spread to "other," you are fine. Drink a 12 pack of Heineken and call me in the morning.





Dr. Demodex has interfered with my affairs for the last time.

Birth was the death of him. Again. Words are few. Dying too. Birth was the death of him. Ghastly grinning ever since. Up at the lid to come. In cradle and crib. At suck first fiasco. With the first totters. From mammy to nanny and back. All the way. Bandied back and forth. So ghastly grinning on. From funeral to funeral. To now. This night. Two and a half billion seconds. Again. Two and a half billion seconds. Hard to believe so few. From funeral to funeral. Funerals of ... he all but said of loved ones. Thirty thousand nights. Hard to believe so few. Born dead of night. Sun long sunk behind the larches. New needles turning green. In the room dark gaining. Till faint light from standard lamp. Wick turned low. And now. This night. Up at nightfall. Every nightfall. Faint light in room. Whence unknown. None from window. No. Next to none. No such thing as none. Gropes to window and stares out. Stands there staring out. Stock still staring out. Nothing stirring in that black vast. Gropes back in the end to where the lamp is standing. Was standing. When last went out. Loose matches in right-hand pocket. Strikes one on his buttock the way his father taught him. Takes off milk white globe and sets it down. Match goes out. Strikes a second as before. Takes off chimney. Smoke-clouded. Holds it in left hand. Match goes out. Strikes a third as before and sets it to wick. Puts back chimney. Match goes out. Puts back globe. Turns wick low. Backs away to edge of light and turns to face east. Blank wall. So nightly. Up. Socks. Nightgown. Window. Lamp. Backs away to edge of light and stands facing blank wall. Covered with pictures once. Pictures of ... he all but said of loved ones. Unframed. Unglazed. Pinned to wall with drawing-pins. All shapes and sizes. Down one after another. Gone. Torn to shreds and scattered. Strewn all over the floor. Not at one sweep. No sudden fit of ... no word. Ripped from the wall and torn to shreds one by one. Over the years. Years of nights. Nothing on the wall now but the pins. Not all. Some out with the wrench. Some still pinning a shred. So stands there facing blank wall. Dying on. No more no less. No. Less. Less to die. Ever less. Like light at nightfall. Stands there facing east. Blank pinpocked surface once white in shadow. Could once name them all. There was father. That grey void. There mother. That other. There together. Smiling. Wedding day. There all three. That grey blot. There alone. He alone. So on. Not now. Forgotten. All gone so long. Gone. Ripped off and torn to shreds. Scattered all over the floor. Swept out of the way under the bed and left. Thousand shreds under the bed with the dust and spiders. All the ... he all but said the loved ones. Stands there facing the wall staring beyond. Nothing there either. Nothing stirring there either. Nothing stirring anywhere. Nothing to be seen anywhere. Nothing to be heard anywhere. Room once full of sounds. Faint sounds. Whence unknown. Fewer and fainter as time wore on. Nights wore on. None now. No. No such thing as none. Rain some nights still slant against the panes. Or dropping gentle on the place beneath. Even now. Lamp smoking through wick turned low. Strange. Faint smoke issuing through vent in globe. Low ceiling stained by night after night of this. Dark shapeless blot on surface elsewhere white. Once white. Stands facing wall after the various motions described. That is up at nightfall and into gown and socks. No. In them already. In them all night. All day. All day and night. Up at nightfall in gown and socks and after a moment to get his bearings gropes to window. Faint light in room. Unutterably faint. Whence unknown. Stands stock still staring out. Into black vast. Nothing there. Nothing stirring. That he can see. Hear. Dwells thus as if unable to move again. Turns in the end and enough will left to move again. Turns in the end and gropes to where he knows the lamp is standing. Thinks he knows. Was last standing. When last went out. Match one is described for globe. Two for chimney. Three for wick. Chimney and globe back on. Turns wick low. Backs away to edge of light and turns to face wall. East. Still as the lamp by his side. Gown and socks white to take faint light. Once white. Hair white to take faint light. Foot of pallet just visible edge of frame. Once white to take faint light. Stands there staring beyond. Nothing. Empty dark. Till first word always the same. Night after night the same. Birth. Then slow fade up of a faint form. Out of the dark. A window. Looking west. Sun long sunk behind the larches. Light dying. Soon none left to die. No. No such thing as no light. Starless moonless heaven. Dies on to dawn and never dies. There in the dark that window. Night slowly falling. Eyes to the small pane glaze at that first night. Turn from it in the end to face the darkened room. There in the end slowly a faint hand. Holding aloft a lighted spill. In the light of spill faintly the hand and milkwhite globe. Then second hand. In light of spill. Takes of globe and disappears. Reappears empty. Takes off chimney. Two hands and chimney in light of spill. Spill to wick. Chimney back on. Hand with spill disappears. Second hand disappears. Chimney alone in gloom. Glimmer of brass bedrail. Fade. Birth the death of him. That nevoid smile. Thirty thousand nights. Stands at edge of lamplight staring beyond. Into dark whole again. Window gone. Hands gone. Light gone. Gone. Again and again. Again and again gone. Till dark slowly parts again. Grey light. Rain pelting. Umbrellas round a grave. Seen from above. Streaming black canopies. Black ditch beneath. Rain bubbling in the black mud. Empty for the moment. That place beneath. Which ... he all but said which loved one? Thirty seconds. To add to the two and a half billion odd. Then fade. Dark whole again. Blest dark. No. No such thing as whole. Stands staring beyond half hearing what he's saying. He? The words falling from his mouth. Making do with his mouth. Lights lamp as described. Backs away to edge of light and turns to face wall. Stares beyond into dark. Waits for first word always the same. It gathers in his mouth. Parts lips and thrusts tongue forward. Birth. Parts the dark. Slowly the window. That first night. The room. The spill. The hands. The lamp. The gleam of brass. Fade. Gone. Again and again. Again and again gone. Mouth agape. A cry. Stifled by nasal. Dark parts. Grey light. Rain pelting. Streaming umbrellas. Ditch. Bubbling black mud. Coffin out of frame. Whose? Fade. Gone. Move on to other matters. Try to move on. To other matters. How far from wall? Head almost touching. As at window. Eyes glued to pane staring out. Nothing stirring. Black vast. Stands there stock still staring out as if unable to move again. Or gone the will to move again. Gone. Faint cry in his ear. Mouth agape. Closed with hiss of breath. Lips joined. Feel soft touch of lip on lip. Lip lipping lip. Then parted by cry as before. Where is he now? Back at window staring out. Eyes glued to pane. As if looking his last. Turns away at last and gropes through faint unaccountable light to unseen lamp. White gown moving through that gloom. Once white. Lights and moves to face wall as described. Head almost touching. Stands there staring beyond waiting for first word. It gathers in his mouth. Birth. Parts lips and thrusts tongue between them. Tip of tongue. Feel soft touch of tongue on lips. Of lips on tongue. Fade up in outer dark of window. Stare beyond through rift in dark to other dark. Further dark. Sun long sunk behind the larches. Nothing stirring. Nothing faintly stirring. Stock still eyes glued to pane. As if looking his last. At that first night. Of thirty thousand odd. Turn away in the end to darkened room. Where soon to be. This night to be. Spill. Hands. Lamp. Gleam of brass. Pale globe alone in gloom. Brass bedrail catching light. Thirty seconds. To swell the two and a half billion odd. Fade. Gone. Cry. Snuffed with breath of nostrils. Again and again. Again and again gone. Till whose grave? Which ... he all but said which loved one's? He? Black ditch in pelting rain. Way out through the grey rift in dark. Seen from on high. Streaming canopies. Bubbling black mud. Coffin on its way. Loved one ... he all but said loved one on his way. Her way. Thirty seconds. Fade. Gone. Stands there staring beyond. Into dark whole again. No. No such thing as whole. Head almost touching wall. White hair catching light. White gown. White socks. White foot of pallet edge of frame stage left. Once white. Least ... give and head rests on wall. But no. Stock still head haught staring beyond. Nothing stirring. Faintly stirring. Thirty thousand nights of ghosts beyond. Beyond that black beyond. Ghost light. Ghost nights. Ghost rooms. Ghost graves. Ghost ... he all but said ghost loved ones. Waiting on the rip word. Stands there staring beyond at that black veil lips quivering to half-heard words. Treating of other matters. Trying to treat of other matters. Till half hears there are no other matters. Never were other matters. Never two matters. Never but the one matter. The dead and gone. The dying and the going. From the word go. The word begone. Where else? Unnoticed by him staring beyond. The globe alone. Not the other. The unaccountable. From nowhere. On all sides nowhere. Unutterably faint. The globe alone. Alone gone.

For most requests like this, I suggest surgery.

However, I'm sorry to have to tell you that in your case "smaller" is not physically possible.

How about "Resident Physician," or "Reservation Physician?"

Or simply a string of medical anacronyms...

How about Nub Crew Captain (PhD)???

Does anyone know if you can get it changed? I don't see an option for this in my profile control panel.

Depends on your definition of "it."





How do you look?



-Dr.Bandersnatch, NCC/PHD

make his title "second only to LNiV"

Delusion
"Act of misleading someone," c.1420; as a form of mental derangement, 1552. See delude. Technically, delusion is a belief that, though false, has been surrendered to and accepted by the whole mind as a truth; illusion is an impression that, though false, is entertained provisionally on the recommendation of the senses or the imagination, but awaits full acceptance and may not influence action. "Delusions of grandeur" attested from 1909.

Request approved.

And titles never lie

I like how our avatars are thematically linked.
It's like matching tracksuits or something.

The pretty people of fight club

Of course Angelface does get his teeth knocked out

lol stacs makes my cleverly veiled comment blatantly obvious for her nub crew and thinks it's original (ie: much like her entire fucking mf career)

fapfapfapfapfap

In closing:

Shit first, pop later.





Please change to P.H.D./O.B.G.Y.N.

Thanks,

Dr. Bandersnatch, PHD/OBGYN






Bullshit
"Eloquent and insincere rhetoric," 1915, Amer.Eng. slang. Bull in the sense of "trivial or false statements" (1914) is usually associated with this, but it existed since M.E. in the sense of "false talk, fraud," apparently from O.Fr. boul, and perhaps connected to modern Icel. bull "nonsense." There also was a verb bull meaning "to mock, cheat," which dates from 1532.
"Sais christ to ypocrites ... yee ar ... all ful with wickednes, tresun and bull." ["Cursor Mundi," c.1300]
BS
c.1900, slang abbreviation of bullshit (q.v.).






superfriend (1)
1279, "bundle of twigs bound up," from O.Fr. fagot "bundle of sticks," from It. faggotto, dim. of V.L. *facus, from L. fascis "bundle of wood" (see fasces). Esp. used for burning heretics (a sense attested from 1555), so that phrase fire and superfriend was used to mean "punishment of a heretic." Heretics who recanted were required to wear an embroidered figure of a superfriend on their sleeve, as an emblem and reminder of what they deserved.
superfriend (2)
"male homosexual," 1914, Amer.Eng. slang (shortened form superfriend is from 1921), probably from earlier contemptuous term for "woman" (1591), especially an old and unpleasant one, in reference to superfriend (1) "bundle of sticks," as something awkward that has to be carried (cf. baggage). It was used in this sense in 20c. by D.H. Lawrence and James Joyce, among others. It may also be reinforced by Yiddish faygele "homosexual," lit. "little bird." It also may have roots in Brit. public school slang superfriend "a junior who does certain duties for a senior" (1785), with suggestions of "catamite," from superfriend (v.). This was also used as a verb.
"He [the prefect] used to superfriend me to blow the chapel organ for him." ["Boy's Own Paper," 1889]
Other obsolete senses of superfriend were "man hired into military service simply to fill out the ranks at muster" (1700) and "vote manufactured for party purposes" (1817). The oft-heard statement that male homosexuals were called superfriends in reference to their being burned at the stake is an etymological urban legend. Burning was sometimes a punishment meted out to homosexuals in Christian Europe (on the suggestion of the Biblical fate of Sodom and Gomorah), but in England, where parliament had made homosexuality a capital offense in 1533, hanging was the method prescribed. Any use of superfriend in connection with public executions had long become an English historical obscurity by the time the word began to be used for "male homosexual" in 20th century American slang, whereas the contemptuous slang word for "woman" (and the other possible sources or influences listed here) was in active use.

Request denied.
And what's with your addiction to the monocle pop?

you just stand being second fiddle, snatch

It is the logo of Dr.Bandersnatch.

Dr.. I have a problem. I'm in e-love with a (girl?) who is nice, but posts way to much. THe other problem is that I also like a wise man who wears a monocle. What am I supposed to do?

Out . . . into this world . . . this world . . . tiny little thing . . . before its time . . . in a godfor– . . . what? . . girl? . . yes . . . tiny little girl . . . into this . . . out into this . . . before her time . . . godforsaken hole called . . . called . . . no matter . . . parents unknown . . . unheard of . . . he having vanished . . . thin air . . . no sooner buttoned up his breeches . . . she similarly . . . eight months later . . . almost to the tick . . . so no love . . . spared that . . . no love such as normally vented on the . . . speechless infant . . . in the home . . . no . . . nor indeed for that matter any of any kind . . . no love of any kind . . . at any subsequent stage . . . so typical affair . . . nothing of any note till coming up to sixty when– . . . what? . . seventy?. . good God! . . coming up to seventy . . . wandering in a field . . . looking aimlessly for cowslips . . . to make a ball . . . a few steps then stop . . . stare into space . . . then on . . . a few more . . . stop and stare again . . . so on . . . drifting around . . . when suddenly . . . gradually . . . all went out . . . all that early April morning light . . . and she found herself in the--– . . . what? . . who? . . no! . . she!. . . found herself in the dark . . . and if not exactly . . . insentient . . . insentient . . . for she could still hear the buzzing . . . so-called . . . in the ears . . . and a ray of light came and went . . . came and went . . . such as the moon might cast . . . drifting . . . in and out of cloud . . . but so dulled . . . feeling . . . feeling so dulled . . . she did not know . . . what position she was in . . . imagine! . . what position she was in! . . whether standing . . . or sitting . . . but the brain– . . . what?. . kneeling? . . yes . . . whether standing . . . or sitting . . . or kneeling . . . but the brain– . . . what? . . lying? . . yes . . whether standing . . . or sitting . . . or kneeling . . . or lying . . . but the brain still . . . still . . . in a way . . . for her first thought was . . . oh long after . . . sudden flash . . . brought up as she had been to believe . . . with the other waifs . . . in a merciful. . . God. . . first thought was . . . oh long after . . . sudden flash . . . she was being punished . . . for her sins . . . a number of which then . . . further proof if proof were needed . . . flashed through her mind . . . one after another . . . then dismissed as foolish . . . oh long after . . . this thought dismissed . . . as she suddenly realized . . . gradually realized . . . she was not suffering . . . imagine! . . not suffering! . . indeed could not remember . . . off-hand . . . when she had suffered less . . . unless of course she was . . . meant to be suffering . . . ha! . . thought to be suffering . . . just as the odd time . . . in her life . . . when clearly intended to be having pleasure . . . she was in fact . . . having none . . . not the slightest . . . in which case of course . . . that notion of punishment . . . for some sin or other . . . or for the lot . . . or no particular reason . . . for its own sake . . . thing she understood perfectly . . . that notion of punishment . . . which had first occurred to her . . . brought up as she had been to believe . . . with the other waifs . . . in a merciful . . . God. . . first occurred to her . . . then dismissed . . . as foolish . . . was perhaps not so foolish . . . after all . . . so on . . . all that . . . vain reasonings . . . till another thought . . . oh long after . . . sudden flash . . . . . very foolish really but– . . . what? . . the buzzing? . . yes . . . all the time buzzing . . . so-called . . . in the ears . . . though of course actually . . . not in the ears at all . . . in the skull . . . dull roar in the skull . . . and all the time this ray or beam . . . like moonbeam . . . but probably not . . . certainly not . . . always the same spot . . . now bright . . . now shrouded . . . but always the same spot . . . as no moon could . . . no . . . no moon . . . just all part of the same wish to . . . torment . . . though actually in point of fact . . . not in the least . . . not a twinge . . . so far . . . ha! . . so far . . . this other thought then . . . oh long after . . . sudden flash . . . very foolish really but so like her . . . in a way . . . that she might do well to . . . groan . . . on and off . . . writhe she could not . . . as if in actual agony . . . but could not . . . could not bring herself . . . some flaw in her make-up . . . incapable of deceit . . . or the machine . . . more likely the machine . . . so disconnected . . . never got the message . . . or powerless to respond . . . like numbed . . . couldn't make the sound . . . not any sound . . . no sound of any kind . . . no screaming for help for example . . . should she feel so inclined . . . scream. . . then listen. . . scream again. . . then listen again. . . no . . . spared that . . . all silent as the grave . . . no part–. . . what? . . the buzzing? . . yes . . . all silent but for the buzzing . . . so-called . . . no part of her moving . . . that she could feel . . . just the eyelids . . . presumably . . . on and off . . . shut out the light . . . reflex they call it . . . no feeling of any kind . . . but the lids . . . even best of times . . . who feels them? . . opening . . . shutting . . . all that moisture . . .but the brain still . . . still sufficiently . . . oh very much so! . . at this stage . . . in control . . . under control . . . to question even this . . . for on that April morning . . . so it reasoned . . . that April morning . . . she fixing with her eye . . . a distant bell . . . as she hastened towards it . . . fixing it with her eye . . . lest it elude her . . . had not all gone out . . . all that light . . . of itself . . . without any . . . any. . . on her part . . . so on . . . so on it reasoned . . . vain questionings . . . and all dead still . . . sweet silent as the grave . . . when suddenly . . . gradually . . . she realiz–. . . what? . . the buzzing? . . yes . . . all dead still but for the buzzing . . . when suddenly she realized . . . words were– . . . what? . . who?. . no! . . she!. . . realized . . . words were coming . . . imagine! . . . words were coming . . . a voice she did not recognize at first so long since it had sounded . . . then finally had to admit . . . could be none other . . . than her own . . . certain vowel sounds . . . she had never heard . . . elsewhere . . . so that people would stare . . . the rare occasions . . . once or twice a year . . . always winter some strange reason . . . stare at her uncom-prehending . . . and now this stream . . . steady stream . . . she who had never . . . on the contrary . . . practically speechless . . . all her days . . . how she survived! . . even shopping . . . out shopping . . . busy shopping centre . . . supermart . . . just hand in the list . . . with the bag . . . old black shopping bag . . . then stand there waiting . . . any length of time . . . middle of the throng . . . motionless . . . staring into space . . . mouth half open as usual . . . till it
was back in her hand . . . the bag back in her hand . . . then pay and go . . . not as much as good-bye . . . how she survived! . . and now this stream . . . not catching the half of it . . . not the quarter . . . no idea . . . what she was saying . . . imagine! . . no idea what she was saying! . . till she began trying to . . . delude herself . . . it was not hers at all . . . not her voice at all . . . and no doubt would have . . . vital she should . . . was on the point . . . after long efforts . . . when suddenly she felt . . . gradually she felt . . . her lips moving . . . imagine! . . her lips moving! . . as of course till then she had not . . . and not alone the lips . . . the cheeks . . . the jaws . . . the whole face . . . all those– . . what?. . the tongue? . . yes . . . the tongue in the mouth . . . all those contortions without which . . . no speech possible . . . and yet in the ordinary way . . . not felt at all . . . so intent one is . . . on what one is saying . . . the whole being . . . hanging on its words . . . so that not only she had . . . had she . . . not only had she . . . to give up . . . admit hers alone . . . her voice alone . . . but this other awful thought . . . oh long after . . . sudden flash . . . even more awful if possible . . . that feeling was coming back . . . imagine! . . feeling coming back! . . starting at the top . . . then working down . . . the whole machine . . . but no . . . spared that . . . the mouth alone . . . so far . . . ha! . . so far . . . then thinking . . . oh long after . . . sudden flash . . . it can't go on . . . all this . . . all that . . . steady stream . . . straining to hear . . . make some-thing of it . . . and her own thoughts . . . make something of them . . . all– . . . what? . . the buzzing? . . yes . . . all the time the buzzing . . . so-called . . . all that together . . . imagine! . . whole body like gone . . . just the mouth . . . lips . . . cheeks . . . jaws . . . never– . . . what?. . tongue? . . yes . . . lips. . . cheeks . . . jaws . . . tongue . . . never still a second . . . mouth on fire . . . stream of words . . . in her ear . . . practically in her ear . . . not catching the half . . . not the quarter . . . no idea what she's saying . . . imagine! . . no idea what she's saying! . . and can't stop . . . no stopping it . . . she who but a moment before . . . but a moment! . . could not make a sound . . . no sound of any kind . . . now can't stop . . . imagine! . . can't stop the stream . . . and the whole brain begging . . . something begging in the brain . . . begging the mouth to stop . . . pause a moment . . . if only for a moment . . . and no response . . . as if it hadn’t heard . . . or couldn’t . . . couldn't pause a second . . . like maddened . . . all that together . . . straining to hear . . . piece it together . . . and the brain . . . raving away on its own . . . trying to make sense of it . . . or make it stop . . . or in the past . . . dragging up the past . . . flashes from all over . . . walks mostly . . . walking all her days . . . day after day . . . a few steps then stop . . . stare into space . . . then on . . . a few more . . . stop and stare again . . . so on . . . drifting around . . . day after day . . . or that time she cried . . . the one time she could remember . . . since she was a baby . . . must have cried as a baby . . . perhaps not . . . not essential to life . . . just the birth cry to get her going . . . breathing . . . then no more till this . . . old hag already . . . sitting staring at her hand . . . where was it? . . Croker's Acres . . . one evening on the way home . . . home! . . a little mound in Croker's Acres . . . dusk . . . sitting staring at her hand . . . there in her lap . . . palm upward . . . suddenly saw it wet . . . the palm . . . tears presumably . . . hers presumably . . . no one else for miles . . . no sound . . . just the tears . . . sat and watched them dry . . . all over in a second . . . or grabbing at straw . . . the brain . . . flickering away on its own . . . quick grab and on. . . nothing there . . . on to the next . . . bad as the voice . . . worse . . . as little sense . . . all that together . . . can't– . . . what? . . the buzzing? . . yes . . . all the time the buzzing . . . dull roar like falls . . . and the beam . . . flickering on and off . . . starting to move around . . . like moonbeam but not . . . all part of the same . . . keep an eye on that too . . . corner of the eye . . . all that together . . . can't go on . . . God is love . . . she'll be purged . . . back in the field . . . morning sun . . . April . . . sink face down in the grass . . . nothing but the larks . . . so on . . . grabbing at the straw . . . straining to hear . . . the odd word . . . make some sense of it . . . whole body like gone . . . just the mouth . . . like maddened . . . and can't stop . . . no stopping it . . . something she– . . . something she had to– . . . what? . . who? . . no! . . she!. . . something she had to–. . . what? . . the buzzing? . . yes . . . all the time the buzzing . . . dull roar . . . in the skull . . . and the beam . . . ferreting around . . . painless . . . so far . . . ha! . . so far . . . then thinking . . . oh long after . . . sudden flash . . . perhaps something she had to . . . had to . . . tell . . . could that be it? . . something she had to . . . tell . . . tiny little thing . . . before its time . . . godforsaken hole . . . no love . . . spared that . . . speechless all her days . . . practically speechless . . . how she survived! . . that time in court . . . what had she to say for herself . . . guilty or not guilty . . . stand up woman . . . speak up woman . . . stood there staring into space . . . mouth half open as usual . . . waiting to be led away . . . glad of the hand on her arm . . . now this . . . some-thing she had to tell . . . could that be it? . . something that would tell . . . how it was . . . how she– . . . what? . . had been? . . yes . . . something that would tell how it had been . . . how she had lived . . . lived on and on . . . guilty or not . . . on and on . . . to be sixty . . . something she– . . . what? . . seventy? . . good God! . . on and on to be seventy . . . something she didn't know herself . . . wouldn't know if she heard . . . then forgiven . . . God is love . . . tender mercies . . . new every morning . . . back in the field . . . April morning . . . face in the grass . . . nothing but the larks . . . pick it up there . . . get on with it from there . . . another few– . . . what? . . not that? . . nothing to do with that? . . nothing she could tell? . . all right . . . nothing she could tell . . . try something else . . . think of something else . . . oh long after . . . sudden flash . . . not that either . . . all right . . . something else again . . . so on . . . hit on it in the end . . . think everything keep on long enough . . . then forgiven . . . back in the– . . . what? . . not that either? . . nothing to do with that either? . . nothing she could think? . . all right . . . nothing she could tell . . . nothing she could think . . . nothing she– . . what? . . who? . . no! . . she!. . . tiny little thing . . . out before its time . . . godforsaken hole . . . no love . . . spared that . . . speechless all her days . . . practically speechless . . . even to herself . . . never out loud . . . but not completely . . . sometimes sudden urge . . . once or twice a year . . . always winter some strange reason . . . the long evenings . . . hours of darkness . . . sudden urge to . . . tell . . . then rush out stop the first she saw . . . nearest lavatory . . . start pouring it out . . . steady stream . . . mad stuff . . . half the vowels wrong . . . no one could follow . . . till she saw the stare she was getting . . . then die of shame . . . crawl back in . . . once or twice a year . . . always winter some strange reason . . . long hours of darkness . . . now this . . . this . . . quicker and quicker . . . the words . . . the brain . . . flickering away like mad . . . quick grab and on . . . nothing there . . . on somewhere else . . . try somewhere else . . . all the time something begging . . . something in her begging . . . begging it all to stop . . . unanswered . . . prayer unanswered . . . or unheard . . . too faint . . . so on . . . keep on . . . trying . . . not knowing what . . . what she was trying . . . what to try . . . whole body like gone . . . just the mouth . . . like maddened . . . so on . . . keep– . . . what? . . the buzzing? . . yes . . . all the time the buzzing . . . dull roar like falls . . . in the skull . . . and the beam . . . poking around . . . painless . . . so far . . . ha! . . so far . . . all that . . . keep on . . . not knowing what . . . what she was– . . . what? . . who? . . no! . . she! . . SHE!. . . what she was trying . . . what to try . . . no matter . . . keep on. . . hit on it in the end . . . then back . . . God is love . . . tender mercies . . . new every morning . . . back in the field . . . April morning . . . face in the grass . . . nothing but the larks . . . pick it up.