Thanks to GOONS for the video, mp3, and transcript.

VIDEO:
mediafire: A Day In The Life Of Natalie Portman.avi • 640x368 • 20mb
mediafire: A Day In The Life Of Natalie Portman.avi • 1280x720 • 55mb

MP3:
mediafire: Natalie Portman - A Day In The Life Of Natalie Portman.mp3 @ 320kbps


WORKING LYRICS: [align=center]A Day In The Life Of Natalie Portman

interviewer: We're sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman.

Hello.

interviewer: So, Natalie, what's a day in the life of Natalie Portman like?

Do you really want to know?

interviewer: Please, tell us.

I don't sleep, mother fucker, off that yak and that durban,
doing 120 getting high while I'm swerving.

Damn, Natalie, you a crazy chick.
Yo, shut the fuck up, and suck my dick!

I'm busting dudes mouths like Gushers mother fucker!
Roll up on NBC and smack the shit out Jeff Zucker!

What you want, Natalie?
To drink and fight!

What you need, Natalie?
To fuck all night!

Don't test me when I'm crazy, off that airplane glue.
Put my foot down your throat 'til your shit's in my shoe.

Leave you screaming, pay for my dry cleaning.
Fuck you, man, it's my name that he's screaming.

interviewer: I'm sorry, Natalie, are we to believe you condone driving while intoxicated?

I never said I was a role model.

interviewer: But what about the kids that look up to you? Do you have a message for them?

All the kids looking up to me can suck my dick.
It's Portman mother fucker, drink 'till I'm sick.

Slit your throat, and pump nitrous down the hole.
Watch you laugh and cry, while I laugh you die.
And all the dudes, you know I'm talking to you!

We love you Natalie!
I want to fuck you too!

P! It's for Portman!
P! It's for pussy!

I'll kill your fucking dog for fun, so don't push me!

interviewer: Wow, Natalie, I'm surprised, all this from a Harvard graduate.

Well, there’s a lot you may not know about me.

interviewer: Really? Such as?

When I was in Harvard, I smoked weed every day.
I cheated every test and snorted all the yay.

I got a def posse, you got a bunch of dudes.
I’ll sit right down on your face and take a shit!

singer: Natalie, you are a bad ass bitch. Hell yeah!
And I always pay for your dry cleaning when my shit gets in your shoe. WHAT
As for the drug use, well I can vouch for that.
My dick is scared of you, ho.

interviewer: Okee-doke. Natalie, one final question. If you could steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood, who would it...

No more questions.
WHAT[/align]

Amazing what they can get away w/ on network tv these days. Late at night, yes, but got to be crossing some squares line. It was cool Portman did the skit w/ Chris Parnell. He makes me laugh. I wonder if he writes these raps. I’ve seen him perform some that were all kinds of funny, and this one Natalie did was great.

I think the Parnell "Kirsten Dunst" rap set the standard for these things, and while this one was good, I don't think it lives up to some of the others.

This was most likely written by Andy Samberg and the Lonely Island guys who wrote Lazy Sunday. The lyrics aren't as funny as that piece, but it was still pretty damn funny.