"I'll tell you what the coloreds want. It's three things: first, a tight pussy; second, loose shoes; and third, a warm place to shit."

-Earl Butz

coloreds....coloreds?? I've seen them someplace before. let me think.... oh yeah, they were all bent over in my back yard picking cotton. we call em' somethin different down here though.

Oh... I thought we were talkin' M&Ms. 'Cause every M&M I know likes a tight pussy...

maybe he means Jiggaboos. But every jigg I knew didn't own shoes so that can't be it.... I'll have to study a spell on this one.

NIGGERS!!! I finally figured it out. he's talkin about niggers. fucking coal babies. niggers don't have tight pussies though so they must be banging our white women!







whoa whoa whoa...when i typed N-i-g-g-e-r up above, it changed to italians... WTF!!! try it yall, it won't let you type the N word!!

This needs some investigaten going on. What's up DP? since when did blacks = italians ?? damn news to me!

Wordfilters = The cutting edge of new funny.

i'm all over it. I'm going to start calling them that to their face and see if they get pissed. niggers!

"Old boys have their playthings as well as young ones; the difference is only in the price."

-Ben Franklin

"I detest a woman who is learned. May there never be in my home a woman who knows more than a woman ought to know."

-Euripedes

yes.

"A nobleman's calf does not know how a butcher kills."

-Korean Proverb

Fixed due to shoplifters.

"You're the waste of LA

You the Crocodile Hunter
I am the stingRAY"

- Ras Kass who has a long-running feud with fellow rapper The Game, using an Steve Irwin derived dis on his joint "Gayme Over".

"Don't just look at it......Eat it!"

-Patrick Bateman

"A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education."

-George Bernard Shaw

My Nipples Looked Like Goose Eggs

- Tara Reid on her recent plastic surgery ordeal

"I told you little brats I'm NOT wearing a skeleton suit. Gawd."
- Nicole Ritchie, fending off trick or treaters who attempted to hang halloween decorations on her calcified nipple bones.

"The pioneers of a warless world are the youth that refuse military service."

- Albert Einstein

[spoil][align=center][flash width=310 height=320]http://ads-hp.vidavee.net/huffpost/videoad/vFlasher_debug.swf?p4=50&p5=off&p2=on&p7=off&p8=off&p9=http%3A%2F%2Fads-hp.vidavee.net%2Fhuffpost%2Fuc2%2Findex.php%3Fp%3Dget_image%26id%3D514&p10=http%3A%2F%2Fads-hp.vidavee.net%2Fhuffpost%2Fuc2%2Findex.php%3Fp%3Dlog&p11=20&p14=http%3A%2F%2Fads-hp.vidavee.net%2Fhuffpost%2Fvideoad%2Fadcards%2Fhuffpo_title.jpg&p3=on&p1=http%3A%2F%2Fstream-hp-2.vidavee.net%2Fhuffpost%2Fuc2%2Findex.php%3Fp%3Dget_image_texturestripe%26id%3D514%26type%3Dcomplete&p0=http%3A%2F%2Fstream-hp-2.vidavee.net%2Fhuffpost%2Fuc2%2Findex.php%3Fp%3Dget_movie%26vid%3D514%26seek_to%3D0[/flash][/align]
[/spoil]

A lot of the chiefs of staff, the people who really run the underpinnings of the Republican Party, are gay. I don't want to mention names, but I will Friday night...

- Bill Maher on Larry King Live this past Wednesday, who then outed Republican National Committee Chairman Ken Mehlman seconds later.

Internet conspiracy crazies have been saying this for the last 10 years, at least. I have totally belived it the entire time, too. I'd be highly surprised if it were confined to the republicans, though.

This all just makes me wonder if there are red states on uranus.

"Fashion is what you adopt when you don't know who you are."

-Quentin Crisp

"I can't embed video."

TroyObliX at the MF.com, 11/19/06

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXZhpduVCjs (highly relevant because it's sunday)

1 replace "watch?v=" in the url with "v/"
2. embed using the bbcode
3. width=425 height=350

[flash width=425 height=350]http://www.youtube.com/v/wXZhpduVCjs[/flash]

"Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a fucking fork up your ass."

"You can talk, you can talk, you're brave now motherfucker. Throw his ass out. He's a nigger! He's a nigger! He's a nigger! A nigger, look, there's a nigger!"

"They're going to arrest me for calling a black man a nigger."

Michael "Kramer" Richards of Seinfeld fame comments towards a heckler during a recent stand-up at The Laugh Factory

That's funny, someone pointed out that he hasn't done shit since Seinfeld, and he didn't have anything to respond with. What a dickhead. Trying to be 'edgey' is so 90's.

Thanks for the vid/fix btw.

Now, its fuckin' on yall.
[flash width=425 height=355]http://www.youtube.com/v/WufLXFlI_dM[/flash]

"Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an "act" and he told the audience, "This is my act." Today's comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he's telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week."

-Lenny Bruce

"We want to give our ancestors a present. Dignity over degradation."

-The Reverend, and former Niggroid, Jesse Jackson

"I don't like Mondays,This livens up the day"-Brenda Ann Spencer
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brenda_Ann_Spencer

[flash width=325 height=450]http://www.youtube.com/v/LwlkUXUyx0s[/flash]


So let's watch what kind of presents we give and to who gets them this Christmas, okay people.

"To make war upon rebellion is messy and slow, like eating soup with a knife."

-Lawrence of Arabia

"Enough is enough! I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!"

- Neville Flynn

"My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income."

-Errol Flynn

"Women who marry men they don't love or aren't attracted to, men who are older, unattractive or unlovable, such women cannot validly look down on prostitutes. That is to say, on honest prostitutes."

-Gypsy Rose Lee

If you have it, you don't need it. If you need it, you don't have it. If you have it, you need more of it. If you have more of it, you don't need less of it. You need it to get it. And you certainly need it to get more of it. But if you don't already have any of it to begin with, you can't get any of it to get started which means you really have no idea how to get it in the first place, do you? You can share it, sure. You can even stockpile it if you like. But you can't fake it. Wanting it, needing it, wishing for it. The point is: if you've never had any of it ever, people just seem to know.

-Bruce Campbell

Is he refurring to there?

"If this will offend you, please leave the room. Stay away, this thing will hurt someone."
-R. Budd Dwyer 1/22/87

Fucker ruined my childhood innocence and twisted up my brain-pan, god damn the live TV.
http://www.rotten.com/library/bio/usa/r-budd-dwyer/

I didn't even know about Mr. Budd until recently. Troy, were you in the Pennsylvania area back in the 80's? Anyway, didn't think the video was that bad now. But when I was 6 it might have been very traumatizing I suppose.

Actually, I was 12. I live right outside Chicago, so maybe it wasn't live TV, but I remember seeing it on the news. They played it with one of those quaint verbal warnings they usually give before they show a sick dog, or a car wreck, or some lame shit like that.

I guess the thing I really thought about Mr Dwyer as a kid was "what a dick, why would anyone do that, and couldn't he have done it off camera?". I don't know that my opinion has changed on that. Better to get shot in the back trying to escape. And if your going to just quit, don't make a mess for other people. Nobody wants to clean up your poop and brains you selfish dick. Sure, some folks have mental/medical conditions which may explain some self destructive beahavior. I don't think "indictment" is a medical condition, though so that probably doesn't apply to Budd.

Definitely didn't need to do it on television. Maybe he did it at that moment so that his family could collect his pension(?) I don't know, I need to read more into it.

corporate causes with self-served denial
the raping of the land
collapse
the lungs malfunction
they never learned to breathe- Al Jourgensen

[flash width=325 height=450]http://www.youtube.com/v/3g5-AEI4-BA[/flash]

"Anyone who tells a lie has not a pure heart, and cannot make a good soup."

-Ludwig van Beethoven

I never take advice from St. Bernard's. Or any dog for that matter.

Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ahhrghhhh, ahhhhllghrghh!!!! Et tu', Brute'? Fucking March and it's damn ides.....
-'Orange' Julius Ceaser
- March 15, 44 B.C.

The earth was tan and brown. The grass and occasional shrubs were green. The sky was an expansive blue, specked with white puffs of clouds. A strange country. People on home planet wouldn’t' believe it. No purple anywhere.

With a sudden inspiration he reached down into the car and grabbed the picto-recorder and aimed it in a sweeping circle, letting it grind away. He'd send his folks a spool of this. Then they'd believe him when he said it was one horns-awful of a planet and maybe sympathize with him.

"My daily view," he said into the recorder as he finished the sweep. The words rumbled through his mask, sounding sad.

Buddy, what in the fuck is that even supposed to mean? Are you even speaking English or did you OD your meds or something? Because I'm having trouble deciphering what it is exactly that fucking gibberish is intend to convey, message-wise.

I'm also not getting why you want to argue about it in the middle of a movie discussion thread, so maybe down here in the "stupid shit" forum would be a better place for you and I to sling verbal monkey turds at each other.

EDIT: Aww, he deleted it. Come on guy, I was just venting some passive-aggressive angst anyways. You started it. No hard feelings, here. You gotta' have some thicker skin, though, y'know? Especially if your going to just be asking for it.

Peace-pipe yo'.

p.s. Can't we all just be friends?

[flash width=325 height=450]http://www.youtube.com/v/EspYGmzQfUU[/flash]

Apr 5 1998

"Hollywood is run by Jews; it is owned by Jews, and they should have a greater sensitivity about the issue of -- of people who are suffering. Because they've exploited -- we have seen the -- we have seen the Nigger and Greaseball, we've seen the Chink, we've seen the slit-eyed dangerous Jap, we have seen the wily Filipino, we've seen everything but we never saw the Kike. Because they knew perfectly well, that that is where you draw the wagons around."

-Marlon Brando

"I guess I won't be getting any 'solo-strange' ever again, crikey." Stumpy the Taiwanese Vet



http://news.yahoo.com/photo/070412/ids_ ... 825870.jpg

If the animals ever gang up on us, humans are fucked, fyi.

Oh, and Dr Aas says you can go eat shit.

"Sweep on, you fat and greasy citizens!"

-William Shakespeare

"You gotta love livin' baby, 'cause dyin's a pain in the ass."

-Frank Sinatra "Mobbed-up international recording star "
-dead of a heart attack May 14 1998

The last words of Dutch Schultz

Statements made by Arthur Flegenheimer (alias "Dutch Schultz") in the Newark City Hospital on the above date between 4 P.M. and 6 P.M. the 24 of October 1935. From stenographic notes made by F.J. Long, Clerk-Stenographer, Newark Police Department.

George, don't make no bull moves. What have you done with him. Oh, Mamma, Mamma, Mamma! Oh, stop it! Stop it!...Oh, Oh, Oh, Sure, sure, Mamma, etc.

("Schultz" at this time was irrational, suffering with a fever of about 106 degrees, with a gunshot wound. Sergeant Luke Conlon, Detectives from Newark Police Headquarters and from the Prosecutor's Office were at his bedside. One of the officers had a newspaper) "Schultz" noticed the newspaper and said: has it been in any other newspapers? (Then, relapsing into irrationality) Now listen Phil, fun is fun. Aha... Please! Papa! What happened to the 16? Oh, oh...he done it? Please...please...John, please. Oh, did you buy the hotel; you promised a million...sure. Get out! I wish I knew. Please make it quick; fast and furious; please... fast and furious. Please help me get out; I'm getting my wind back, thank God! Please, please; Oh, please. You will have to, please...tell him, "You got no case." You get ahead with the dot and dash system. Didn't I speak that time last night. Whose number is that in your pocketbook, Phil? 13780. Who was it? Oh!...Please, please...Reserve decision, police, police; Henny and Frankie...Oh, Oh, dog Biscuit, and when he is happy he doesn't get snappy...Please, please do this! Henny, Henny, Frankie! You didn't meet him; you didn't even meet me; the glove will fit what I say...Oh, kayiyi, kayiyi! Sure, who cares? When are you through! How do you know this? Well, then...Oh, Cocoa; no... thinks he is a grandpa again and he is jumping around. No, Hoboe and Poboe I think I mean the same thing.

Question by Sergeant Conlon: Who shot you?

Answer: The bos himself.

Q: He did?

A: Yes: I don't know

Q: What did he shoot you for?

A: I showed him boss; did you hear him meet me? An appointment; appeal stuck. All right mother.

Q: Was it the boss shot you?

A: Who shot me? No one.

Q: Was it bow-legs?

A: Yes, he might have shot me; it wasn't Robeck(?) or the other guy; I will see him; I never forget and if I do I will be very careful.

Q: Was it bow-legs who shot you?

A: I don't know who shot me, honest to God! Suppose you help me up now, like a swell fellow.

Q: We will help you.

A: Will you get me up? O.K., I won't be such a creep. Oh, mamma, I can't go through with it, please. Oh, and then he clips me; come on, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxcut that out, we don't owe a nickel; fold it! Instead, fold it against him; I am a pretty good pretzeler...Winifred...Dept. of Justice; I even got it from the Department, sir. Please, stop it; say listen, the... last night.

Sergt. Conlon: Now, don't holler.

A: I don't want to holler.

Q: What did they shoot you for?

A: I don't know, sir; honestly I don't. I don't even know who was with me; honestly. I went to the toilet and when I reached the...the boy came at me.

Q: The big fellow gave it to you?

A: Yes, he gave it to me.

Q: Do you know who the big fellow was?

A: No.

Schultz: See, George, if we wanted to break the ring. No... please, I get a month. They did it. Come on, cut me off and says you are not to be the in the beneficiary of this will. I will be checked and double-checked and please pull for me.

(One of the detectives) We will pull for you.

Schultz: Will you pull? Will you pull? These native children make this and sell you the joint. How many good ones and how many bad ones! Please! I had nothing with him; he was a cowboy in one of the...seven days a week fight. No business, no hangout; no friends, nothing; just what you pick up and what you need.

Sergeant Conlon: Who was it shot you?

Schultz: I don't know. No, don't put anyone near this check; the check. You might have; oh, please. Please do it for me. Let me get up, sir, heh? This is Connie's, isn't it? Uh heh. In the olden days they waited and they waited. Please give me a shot. Please. Oh...Oh...it is from the factory. O.K. Sure, that is bad...well, Oh, go ahead; that happens for crying; I don't want harmony; I want harmony. Oh, mamma, mamma. Who give it to him? Who give it to him? Tony? Let me in the district; ...fire...factory that he was nowhere near. It smoldered. No, No! There are only ten of us and there are ten million fighting somewhere in front of you, so get your onions up and we will throw up the truce flag. Oh, please let me up; Leo, Leo! Oh, yeh! No, No; I don't...please! Please shift me. Police are here; communistic...strike. ..baloneys...Please; honestly it is a habit I get; sometimes I give it and sometimes I don't. Oh, not; I am all in; say... that settles it. Are you sure? Please, he eats like a little baloney sausage maker. Please, let me get in and eat. Let him harass himself to you and then bother you. Please... Don't ask me to go there; I don't want to. I still don't want him in the path. Please, Leo, Leo; I was looking for someone. Meet my lady, Mrs. Pickford, and I'm sorry I acted that way so soon, already. Sure, it is no need to stage a riot. The sidewalk was in trouble and the bears were in trouble and I broke it up. Please; Oh, mamma! No knock to her, she didn't know. Look; that is it. She let her go the opposite. Oh, tell me. Please, put me in that room room; please keep him in control; my gilt-edge stuff, and those dirty rats have tuned in. Please, Mother, Mother, Mother, please, the reaction is so strong. Oh, mamma, mamma, please don't tear; don't rip; that is something that shouldn't be spoke about; that is right. Please get me up my friends; I know what I speak of. Please, look out, the shooting is a bit wild, and that kind of shooting. Saved a man's life. Oh, Elmer was. No, everything frightening; yes, no payrolls, no walls, no coupons. That would be entirely out; pardon me; oh, yeh! Oh, I forgot I am a plaintiff and not defendant. Look out, look out for him. Please...and he owes me money; he owes everyone money. Why can't he just pull out and give me...control...all right, please do. Please, Mother! You pick me up now. Please, you know me. Oh, Louie, didn't I give you my door bell? Everything you got, the whole bill. And did you come for your rest in the doctor's office, sir? Yes, I can see that. Your son-in-law, and he isn't liked, is he? Harry, does he behave? No; don't you scare me; my friends think I do a better job. Oh, police are looking for you all over; please be instrumental in letting us know. That wouldn't be here; they are Englishmen and they are a type I don't know who is best, they or us. Oh, sir, and get the doll a roofing. Please. You can play jacks, and girls do that with a soft ball and do tricks with it. Please; I may take all events into consideration; no, no. And it is no; a boy has never wept...nor dashed a thousand kin... did you hear me? Now leave it or take it. No, I might be in the playing for I know. Come on over here, come on over. Oh, Duckie, see we skipped again.

Question by Detective: Who shot you?

A: I don't know.

Q: Was it the big fellow?

A: I don't know.

Q: When you were coming out of the Toilet?

A: I don't know. Pick me up. No, no, you have got to do it as I see it. Please take me out of the bed.

Q: The doctor wants you to lie quiet.

A: That is what I want to do. I can't come; express office was closed. Oh, mamma, mamma. Please, please...

Q: How many shots were fired?

A: I don't know; none.

Q: How many?

A: two thousand; come on, get some money in that treasury; we need it; come on, please get it; I can't tell you to. You are telling the truth, aren't you, Mr. Harris. That is not what you have in the book. Oh, yes I have. Oh, please, warden. Please. What am I going to do for money. How is that; how do you like that? Please put me on my feet, at once. Thank you, Sam, you are a boiled man; I do it because you ask me to. Did you hear me? i would hear it, the Circuit Court would hear it, and the Supreme Court might hear it. Come on, pull me up, sir. All right. Cam Davis. Oh, please reply. N.R.A. If that ain't the payoff. Please crack down on the Chinaman's friends and Hitler's commander. All right, I am sore and I am going to give you honey if I can. look out. We broke that up. Mother is the best bet and don't let Satan draw you too fast.

Question by Detective: What did the big fellow shoot you for?

A: Him? John? Over a million, five million dollars.

Q: You want to get well, don't you?

A: Yes.

Q: Lie quiet.

A: Yes, I will lie quiet.

Q: John shot you, we will take care of John.

A: That is what caused the trouble. Look out. All right, Bob. Please get me up. If you do this you can jump right here in the lake. I know who they are; they are French people...Malone... All right; look out, look out! Mamma, mamma...oh, memory is gone. A work relief...police. Who gets it? I don't know and I don't want to know, but look out. It can be traced. That is the one that done it, but who had that one; oh, oh, Mamma, please let me get up. XXX He changed for the worse. Please, look out; my fortunes have changed and xxxx come back and went back since that. It was desperate Ambrose, a little kid. Please; look out...Look... Mike...please, I am wobbly. You ain't got nothing on him, but we got it on his helper. Please...

Q (Detective): Control yourself.

A: But I am dying.

Q: No, you are not

Schultz: Move on, Mick and mamma. All right, dear, you have got to get it.

(At this point the nurses changed the dressing, 4:40 P.M., and "Schultz" aked for a drink of water which was given to him. When one of the nurses was taking off one of his garments he said, "look out for my xxxxx ring.")

Mrs. Flegenheimer was brought in.

Mrs. Flegenheimer: This is Francis.

"Schultz": Then pull out, I am half crazy. They won't let me up. They died my shoes, open those shoes here. Give me something; I am so sick. Give me some water, the only thing that I want. Open this up, break it so I can touch you. Dennie, will you please get me in the car. Now he can't butt in. Please, Nick, stop chiseling.

(Mrs. Flegenheimer left the room)

Question by Detective: Who shot you?

A: I don't know; I didn't even get a look. I don't know. Who can have done it? Anybody. Kindly take my shoes off.

Q: They are off.

A: No, there is a handcuff on them. The Baron does these things.

(Schultz): I know what I am doing here with my collection of papers, for crying out loud. It isn't worth a nickle to two guys like you or me, but to a collector it is worth a fortune; it is priceless. I am going to turn it over to...Turn your back to me please, Henry. I am so sick now. The police are getting many complaints. Look out. Yey, Jack; hello, Jack. Jack, mamma. I want that G-note. Look out, for Jimmie Valentine, for he is an old pal of mine. Come on, Jim, come on, Jimmie; oh, thanks. O.K. O.K. I am all through; I can't do another thing. Hymie, won't you do what I ask you this once? Look out! Mamma, mamma! Look out for her. You can't beat him. Police, Mamma! Helen, mother, please take me out. Come on, Rosie. O.K. Hymes would not do it; not him. I will settle...the indictment. Come on, Max, open the soap duckets. Frankie, please come here. Open that door, Dumpey's door. It is so much, Abe, that...with the brewery. come on. Hey, Jimmie! The Chimney Sweeps. Talk to the Sword. Shut up, you got a big mouth! please come help me up, Henny. Max come over here... French Canadian bean soup...I want to pay, let them leave me alone...

"This website has been blocked by 'WebservicesomethingorOther'. Long live Nazi internet."

-Apparently these are the last words of my once free daily internet.

-R.I.P 1999-2007

Is MF blocked?

Also here are some quotes by Jessica Simpson:

Jessica Simpson has revealed dairy products give her terrible wind.

The 'Dukes of Hazzard' star - who is getting in shape for her new movie in which her character joins the Marines - has to watch her diet because her lactose intolerance causes her to omit gas from "all ends".

Jessica told US TV show 'Extra': "I am going to be all ripped. But it's tough, I'm not good on sugar. Or dairy - you'll hear it come out of all ends!"

The 26-year-old star - who recently went from a blond to a brunette - does not mind changing her appearance and figure for film roles.

She said: "I've really become comfortable in who I am and in my skin. I feel beautiful whether I am five pounds heavier or five pounds smaller.

I'm actually a natural brunette. I was really blond as a kid, but then I just started getting darker and darker."

Jessica - who is dating singer John Mayer - also revealed she hopes to become a household name after adding a range of home wear to her label.

She said: "I aspire to be a brand like Ralph Lauren."

Bonus Jessica Simpson "blind item".

Which formerly blond bombshell, on a recent visit to Rome, became ill and soiled her bedsheets so badly that the hotel mattress had to be replaced?

"Also, she and (her boyfriend) have a reputation for really dirty sex," says a snitch.